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Letter to My Younger Self - by Tiana Rodriguez

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    178449

    • Tiana Rodriguez at Pima Community College
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    Dear younger self,

    It is now September 2022. I have taken some time to reflect on the events that we have been through together and I have since realized a few things. You are 18 now; by this time you already have met someone who you thought was going to be around for a while. And, while you are sort of right about that, the relationship doesn’t last as long as you think. For some people 3 years is not a long time, but it is when you lose yourself within those years. I am sickened by what I let slide, and sickened by knowing I was a doormat to someone who I thought loved me. You must be confused at this part of the letter, and you will be until he finally shows his true colors, and it won’t take long.

    My one message to you, if anything, is to not let him or anyone else control you because they don’t know how to control their emotions/feelings. The arguments that turned into lies and betrayal, name calling, purposeful disrespect, you deserved none of it. Nothing you can do is ever worth that type of reaction from someone, especially when that person claims to love you. I also want to let you know, that I do forgive you. You let a lot happen to you that you knew were not right, and you stayed for the sake of trying to fix that person, and that is not a way for you or anyone to live.. it isn’t living.

    It’s hard knowing now that you will hit rock bottom and there will be absolutely nothing left for you, within this relationship. It will take you spiraling and not being able to recognize yourself anymore, to realize this is not how you want your life to continue. Another thing to keep in mind is that jealousy is the worst trait anyone can ever have. I’m sure you have fresh arguments that have stemmed from jealousy on your partner’s part, and know that again, it is not your fault. Some men choose to internalize their issues, and it comes out as disrespect to those they hold close, and overall ruins relationships with family/friends. I realize you probably don’t understand this concept because you think the issue is just you, but look at how he treats his mother… She didn’t deserve any of those hateful words/actions either.

    Parents are partly to blame when their sons are not capable of treating women/people with respect. In your partners case his dad was not around, his mom is an active alcoholic, and a lot of things that wouldn’t be allowed in your home, were allowed in this place that you called your second home. I know you enjoy the freedom you feel when you come to this home, but you will realize that structure is important.  If your partner had more structure growing up, was taught how to communicate effectively, and overall just learned emotional maturity you might’ve been golden. The connection will always be there, but the treatment you received was and will never be okay.

    Don’t be afraid to leave this chapter behind us, there is better coming and I know that it may not seem this way now, but you will love yourself in the future for it. I am here to tell you that you will find someone that does not see you as a burden and treats you with the amount of respect you give and deserve. It is possible to find a man who is not jealous of every little thing you do, you just have to allow yourself to accept the good coming, and DO NOT overlook those red flags because I know you see them. Anyway, I hope this letter finds you well and gives you the strength to know that your life isn’t over because of this failed relationship, and you will eventually heal. I love you!

    Love,

    The older me.

    This page titled Letter to My Younger Self - by Tiana Rodriguez is shared under a CC BY-NC-ND 4.0 license and was authored, remixed, and/or curated by Tiana Rodriguez at Pima Community College.