8.6.1: Checking for Unity and Clarity

Creating Unity and Coherence

Following your outline closely offers you a reasonable guarantee that your writing will stay on purpose and not drift away from the controlling idea. However, when writers are rushed, are tired, or cannot find the right words, their writing may become less than they want it to be. Their writing may no longer be clear and concise, and they may be adding information that is not needed to develop the main idea. When you reread your writing to find revisions to make, look for each type of problem in a separate sweep. Read it straight through once to locate any problems with unity. Read it straight through a second time to find problems with coherence. You may follow this same practice during many stages of the writing process. Reading your writing aloud will often help you find problems. Listen for the clarity and flow of your ideas. Identify places where you find yourself confused, and write a note to yourself about possible fixes.

Unity

When a piece of writing has unity, all the ideas in each paragraph and in the entire essay clearly belong and are arranged in an order that makes logical sense. The wording clearly indicates how one idea leads to another within a paragraph and from paragraph to paragraph. Sometimes writers get caught up in the moment and cannot resist a good digression. Even though you might enjoy such detours when you chat with friends, unplanned digressions usually harm a piece of writing.

Coherence

When the writing has coherence, the ideas flow smoothly. Careful writers use transitions to clarify how the ideas in their sentences and paragraphs are related. These words and phrases help the writing flow smoothly. Adding transitions is not the only way to improve coherence, but they are often useful and give a mature feel to your essays. The following table groups many common transitions according to their purpose.

Transitions That Show Sequence or Time
after	before	later
afterward	before long	meanwhile
as soon as	finally	next
at first	first, second, third	soon
at last	in the first place	then
Transitions That Show Position
above	across	at the bottom
at the top	behind	below
beside	beyond	inside
near	next to	opposite
to the left, to the right, to the side	under	where
Transitions That Show a Conclusion
indeed	hence	in conclusion
in the final analysis	therefore	thus
Transitions That Continue a Line of Thought
consequently	furthermore	additionally
because	besides the fact	following this idea further
in addition	in the same way	moreover
looking further	considering…, it is clear that
Transitions That Change a Line of Thought
but	yet	however
nevertheless	on the contrary	on the other hand
Transitions That Show Importance
above all	best	especially
in fact	more important	most important
most	worst
Transitions That Introduce the Final Thoughts in a Paragraph or Essay
finally	last	in conclusion
most of all	least of all	last of all
All-Purpose Transitions to Open Paragraphs or to Connect Ideas Inside Paragraphs
admittedly	at this point	certainly
granted	it is true	generally speaking
in general	in this situation	no doubt
no one denies	obviously	of course
to be sure	undoubtedly	unquestionably
Transitions that Introduce Examples
for instance	for example
Transitions That Clarify the Order of Events or Steps
first, second, third	generally, furthermore, finally	in the first place, also, last
in the first place, furthermore, finally	in the first place, likewise, lastly

Writing Clearly and Concisely

Some writers are very methodical and painstaking when they write a first draft. Other writers unleash a lot of words in order to get out all that they feel they need to say. Do either of these composing styles match your style? Or is your composing style somewhere in between? No matter which description best fits you, the first draft of almost every piece of writing, no matter its author, can be made clearer and more concise.

If you have a tendency to write too much, you will need to look for unnecessary words. If you have a tendency to be vague or imprecise in your wording, you will need to find specific words to replace any overly general language.

Identifying Wordiness

Sometimes writers use too many words when fewer words will appeal more to their audience and better fit their purpose. Here are some common examples of wordiness to look for in your draft. Eliminating wordiness helps all readers, because it makes your ideas clear, direct, and straightforward.

• Sentences that begin with There is or There are.

Example: Wordy: There are two major experiments that the Biology Department sponsors. Revised: The Biology Department sponsors two major experiments.

• Sentences with unnecessary modifiers.

Example: Wordy: Two extremely famous and well-known consumer advocates spoke eloquently in favor of the proposed important legislation. Revised: Two well-known consumer advocates spoke in favor of the proposed legislation.

• Sentences with deadwood phrases that add little to the meaning such as in terms of, with a mind to, on the subject of, as to whether or not, more or less, as far as…is concerned, and similar expressions. You can usually find a more straightforward way to state your point.

Example: Wordy: As a world leader in the field of green technology, the company plans to focus its efforts in the area of geothermal energy. A report as to whether or not to use geysers as an energy source is in the process of preparation. Revised: As a world leader in green technology, the company plans to focus on geothermal energy. A report about using geysers as an energy source is in preparation.

• Sentences in the passive voice or with forms of the verb to be. Sentences with passive-voice verbs often create confusion, because the subject of the sentence does not perform an action. Sentences are clearer when the subject of the sentence performs the action and is followed by a strong verb. Use strong active-voice verbs in place of forms of to be, which can lead to wordiness. Avoid passive voice when you can.

Example: Wordy: It might perhaps be said that using a GPS device is something that is a benefit to drivers who have a poor sense of direction. Revised: Using a GPS device benefits drivers who have a poor sense of direction.

• Sentences with constructions that can be shortened.

Example: Wordy: The e-book reader, which is a recent invention, may become as commonplace as the cell phone. My over-sixty uncle bought an e-book reader, and his wife bought an e-book reader, too. Revised:The e-book reader, a recent invention, may become as commonplace as the cell phone. My over-sixty uncle and his wife both bought e-book readers.

Choosing Specific, Appropriate Words

College essays should be written in formal English suitable for an academic situation. Avoid slang terms, such as "guys" instead of "people," or clichés such as "better late than never." Avoid general words such as "thing," "nice," or "interesting" when more specific terms apply.

LICENSES AND ATTRIBUTIONS

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This chapter contains an adaptation of English Composition 2 (opens in new window): by Lumen Learning, and is used under an Attribution 4.0 International (CC BY 4.0) (opens in new window) license.