3: Strategies for Revising and Editing
- Demonstrate strategies for revising and editing technical documents.
Technical writing must be concise. That means all words and visuals included are necessary, and nothing that is necessary is omitted. Revising and editing technical writing for clarity and conciseness is a true skill that you should work to develop in this course and as you continue developing your writing abilities in the future. For that reason, this chapter explores revising and editing strategies in detail.
When you look at all the ways you can review (looking for potential problems) and then revise (fixing those problems), you may be put off by how tedious and time-consuming it is. But the process can become second nature rather quickly. If you spend time analyzing writing in the ways outlined here, the way you write and the way you review what you write will change. You'll start operating—and not even be fully aware of it—with these ideas in mind.
Revision as Part of the Process
Revision literally means to re-see or re-envision a piece of writing. Too often, student-writers may be so pleased to have completed an assignment that they skip revision and instead jump to editing. Or, student-writers may be too busy and overwhelmed with life to give revision the attention it deserves.
Trust this fact, though - good writing is made in the revision part of the process.
No writer gets it right the first time.
That is why revision is so crucial.
I once had a writing professor in college who described the revision and editing steps of the writing process similarly to beautifying your home. Editing is akin to straightening the pictures on the shelves, perfecting the setting of the table, and making sure things are just so. Revision is all the other stuff - knocking down walls, remodeling rooms, replacing or moving furniture, or sometimes deciding to pick up and move altogether.
To skip revision is like putting a beautiful wreath on the front door of a construction zone. It will not succeed in the having the desired effect on your audience.
When you revise, you may have to re-frame the focus of your message. You may have to delete entire sections or majorly rewrite them. You may have to decide your topic is not working, which is a brave decision to make once you have already begun. In fact, revision is about courage . Have you ever heard the saying, you must kill your darlings? Even if you love something you've written or a piece overall, if it does not fit the rhetorical situation - in other words, if it does not meet the expectations of your assignment's purpose and honor the needs and expectations of your audience - you are best to kill it in revision.
Earlier in the chapter, I asked you to use critical analysis while researching. Therefore, research relies on your ability to critically analyze someone else's information. Revision relies on your ability to critically analyze your own information.
Practical Tools for Revision
Revision may involve adding, rearranging, removing, and replacing (ARRR) words, sentences, paragraphs, and ideas. Since writing is recursive, revising may require revisiting the prewriting stage.
What else does the reader need to know? If the essay doesn’t meet the required word or page count, what areas can be expanded? Where would further explanation help key points to be more clear? This is a good time to go back to the prewriting notes and look for ideas which weren’t included in the draft.
Even when writers carefully plan their writing, they may need to rearrange sections for their essays to flow better.
Some ideas just don’t work or don’t contribute enough to the overall goal of the essay. Often when writers delete excess words or paragraphs, the ideas become clearer.
Vivid details help bring writing to life. Writers need to look for strong examples and quotable passages from outside sources to support their arguments. If particular paragraphs aren’t working well, writers need to try rewriting them.
Check Contents
One of the most important ways you can review a rough draft is to check the contents. All the good transitions, good organization, and clear sentence structure in the world can't help a report that doesn't have the right information. Information in a report can be "wrong" in several ways:
- It can be missing altogether: for example, imagine that somebody wrote a report on "virtual communities" but never bothered to define what that term means. It would be tough going from the start of that report.
- It's there but not enough of it: take the same example—imagine that the writer only made a few vague statements about virtual communities. What was needed was at least a paragraph on the subject, if not a full-blown 3- or 4-page section.
- It's there but at the wrong level for the audience: It's also possible to pitch information at the wrong level in terms of readers' knowledge, background, or needs. Imagine that the writer did include a 3-page section on data caching but written for the product developer (an "expert" audience) when the report was really intended for nonspecialists.
Check the structure of your content
There are two ways of looking at the organization of information in a document:
- one involves looking at organizing the sequence of chunks of information to see if they are in the right order.
- Another has to do with organizing the levels of information. You can look at the sentences or paragraphs in a rough draft and see that some sentences go to a deeper level of discussion on the topic than others. Other sentences act like the framework upon which those deeper-level sentences depend. By looking at the structure in this way, you not only check its organization but also get ideas about how to improve the content of the text.
Check organization
If you have the right information in a report, at least you've got all the "right stuff" available for readers. However, it may still not be adequately organized—like when you've just moved and everything is a mess or still in boxes. You need two essential skills for reviewing the organization of a rough draft:
- Identifying the topic of chunks of information at various levels. To assess the organization of a string of paragraphs, you start by thinking of a word or phrase to identify the topic of each paragraph—in other words, get a handle on each one. Then you stand back from those words or phrases, considering whether they are in the right sequence. However, that's only one level. You can also look within an individual paragraph for its organization. In this case, you identify the topic of each sentence and consider the sequencing of those sentences.
- Choosing the best sequence for chunks of information. Once you know the topic of each of the chunks of information (at whatever level you are investigating), then you can decide whether they are in the right sequence. This decision involves knowing the common sequencing patterns.
When the aim is informative, you arrange information to ensure that readers understand the basics before moving onto the complicated, technical portion. When the aim is persuasive, you arrange things to maximize the persuasive effect on the readers, for example, by putting the strongest information first. Below are just a few possibilities.
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Simple, basic → complex
: Another way to arrange units of a discussion is to begin with the simple, basic, fundamental ones and then move on to the more complex and technical.
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Thing-at-rest → thing-in-motion:
Another organization pattern involves first describing the thing (as if in a photograph), then discussing its operation or process (as if in a video). This approach might work well for a discussion of a fuel-injection system.
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Spatial movement:
— If you are describing the physical details of something, you might want to use some pattern of physical movement, for example, top to bottom, left to right, or outside to inside.
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Temporal movement:
— One of the most common patterns is based on movement through time; arrange the discussion of events in relation to the temporal sequence.
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Concept → application of the concept, examples
: A common organizational pattern is to discuss a concept in general terms then discuss an application of it. For example, another chapter in this book discusses proposals first conceptually then discusses examples of proposals.
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Data → conclusions:
Another means of organizing information is to present data (observations, experimental data, survey results) then move on to the conclusions that can be drawn from that data. (And this pattern is sometimes reversed: present the conclusion first, then the data that supports it.)
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Problem, question → solution, answer:
You can also organize information by first discussing a problem or raising a question then moving on to the solution or answer.
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Simplified version → detailed version:
A useful way to explain technical matters to nonspecialists is to begin by discussing a simplified version of the thing, establish a solid understanding of it, then go right back and explain it all again but this time laying on the technical detail thick and heavy!
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Most important → least important:
A more "rhetorical" method of organization is to begin with the most important, the most eye-catching, the most dramatic information first then move on to information that is progressively less so. (And this pattern can be reversed: you can build up to a climax, rather than start with it.)
- Most convincing → least convincing: — Similarly, you can start with the most convincing argument for your position—to get everybody's attention—then move on to less and less convincing ones. (This pattern can also be reversed: you can build up to your most convincing arguments.)
Note : Avoid mixing these approaches—for example, throwing out some data, then stating a few conclusions, and then doing this back and forth in a haphazard way. Keep the apples separate from the oranges!
Other Useful Strategies for Revision
There are many tips and tricks to help you move into a critical mind frame, so you are able to analyze your own writing. Here are a few that might help you, but as a continued exploration of further understanding your unique writing process, never be afraid to turn to search engines to ask such questions as: what are the best ways to revise? What are revising tricks that work? You could also look to social media and ask friends and colleagues about their writing process and the tools that work best for them!
In reverse outlining, the student reads through the written text and notes, noting down the topic of each paragraph. This way, the student can review if each paragraph has a clear focus and if each paragraph fits the overall organization of the paper. More on reverse outlining is available at The Purdue Online Writing Lab (OWL), “ Reverse Outlining: An Exercise for Taking Notes and Revising Your Work. ”
The act of reading one’s essay aloud allows the student to “hear it” in the way a reader will. This act permits the writer to slow down and pay attention to all words in the essay. They get a sense of what a reader experiences, where words are clear and effective, and where they are weak. Poorly structured sentences are hard to read out loud, indicating that this would be a good place to start revising. This technique is a great precursor for receiving feedback from others. It also helps writers take responsibility for their writing.
How to Incorporate Feedback in Revision
Feedback is a wonderful tool in the revision process. Some instructors require student-writers give each other feedback; this is often referred to as peer review. Other instructors may give every student-writer feedback on their projects directly. This may involve a list of general concepts to work on or in-line comments handwritten on a printed document or typed using the comments feature of an electronic document. Still, student-writers may seek their own feedback by sharing their work with friends and family or visiting the campus writing/tutoring center or using an online tutoring program.
There is value in receiving different kinds of feedback. If you participate in peer review, that does not mean you would not benefit from sharing with a tutor. Likewise, if your parent, sibling, or partner often reads your work, that does not mean feedback from your classmates will not help you. Writing is subjective. That means that you will likely receive varying bits of advice from everyone who reads your work. But when you have a vast array of feedback, you can consider the trends that cannot be ignored. Additionally, you may find that some feedback resonates with you while other feedback does not. Give careful consideration to the feedback you receive, but also be brave enough to accept or reject as you see fit. Remember, though, revision relies on your ability to think critically about your own work.
- Look back at a writing assignment you've completed in the past. Either reverse outline it or read it aloud. After doing so, consider what changes you might make if you were to revisit the assignment again. To improve the document: What could be added? What could be rearranged? What could be removed? What could be replaced?
- Find a partner or group of classmates who are willing to meet weekly either face-to-face or online. During your meetings, read your writing assignments aloud, and give each other feedback on the content and language of the work. This should be a group you are committed to working with throughout the semester with the goal of helping each other grow as writers.
- Explore tutoring services at your institution. Ask your instructor what face-to-face and online options are available to you. Make a point to submit your first writing assignment for feedback through one of the tutoring options. Once you do, you will know whether and/or how the services would be useful for you as you continue with your other writing assignments in the course.
Editing as Part of the Process
The process of editing is an ongoing activity for all writers. From the time they come up with a possible topic, they begin editing their ideas and directions in which to go. Once they begin to write, however, the editing takes a new path. Writers edit their own work by reading with fresh eyes and deciding if words need to be moved around or changed. They look for misspellings and awkward wording, and they rework for the sake of clarity. They check their work for typos and unintentional repetition of words and phrases, and they check all the grammar, spelling, capitalization, and punctuation.
- Is this saying what I think it does?
- Am I being as clear as possible?
- Is there a more concise or artful way that I can express this important idea?
However, it is extremely important not to focus on editing too early in the writing process. If a student writes one sentence or paragraph and immediately begins to edit it, they may find that they lose the flow of their ideas. Suddenly, while focusing on how to spell a word, the whole rest of the essay gets put on hold. The inner editor or critic can inhibit writers, causing them to lose flow and to experience perfectionism and writer’s block. Most instructors recommend that writers ban their critics until they have completed their first drafts and revision has taken place. This saves writers the wasted effort that comes with closely editing material that doesn’t make the final cut anyway.
At later points during the document’s creation, an outside set of editorial eyes may be needed—those of a peer, instructor, colleague, or formal editor—to help move that piece of text toward excellence. In addition to the big-picture structural or information-based considerations, the need for a comma or better word may be the focus of editing efforts. Good editing allows the writer to submit the written creation with the confidence that it is the best it can be and stands as something to truly be proud of.
Strengthen topic sentences and overview
One of the best things you can do is go back through a rough draft and check to see if you can insert topic sentences and overviews at key points. When we write, we're not normally sure exactly where a paragraph or section is going in terms of its content and logic. Once it has "gotten there," it is often necessary to go back to the beginning and add some sort of overview or modify what's already there to make the overview clearer. Readers need to know where they are going in a report, what's coming up next, and for that matter where they've just been.
Having an overview in a report is like having a map when you're in a new city. Topic sentences and overviews offer a perspective on what's where: the topic, the subtopics, the purpose of the upcoming discussion, its relation to the previous section and to the document as a whole. (Now some of this involves transitions, which is the next element to review for.)
Strengthen coherence with transitions
You can have the right information in a report and have it organized properly, but something important can still go wrong. Readers can miss the "flow" of the ideas, have a hard time sensing how the chunks of information are related or connected to each other. What readers need is continuous guidance—which is what you the writer provide. And what you use to provide that guidance is called transitions—various devices that help readers along through a document. There is (or certainly should be) a logic that connects every sentence in a document and that dictates a certain sequence to those sentences.
Transitional words and phrases show how a preceding chunk of information is logically related to a current or upcoming chunk of information—they look backward and forward at the same time. For example:
It may be 3 a.m., but I'm not sleepy a bit.
In this example, the transitional word "but" sets up a contrast between the topic of the first chunk of information (the lateness of the time) and the second chunk (my lack of sleepiness). The logic is contrastive in this case, but there are other kinds of logic. For example:
My Peugeot has almost 112,000 miles on it. It still runs great!
In this example, the transitional word is "it," a simple pronoun. Here, the logic is additive: I'm simply adding one related thought onto another. These examples are obviously stupidly simplistic—but when you get into a complex technical topic and the chunks are whole paragraphs of information, transitions really begin to matter.
Revising problems with transitions. The problem version reads like a series of disconnected statements floating in space. The revised version adds transitional devices to pull the statements together in a "coherent," flowing discussion.
It takes a surprising amount of brain power to construct a transition: you must know the topic of the preceding chunk of information, the topic of the current or upcoming one, the logic that connects them. Then, with that in mind, you must pick out the transitional device that you think will best guide the reader across that juncture between the two chunks of information. Scholars have identified a half-dozen or so kinds of transitional devices (but it seems like there ought to be more...):
Dynamic transitional words and phrases
Another category of transitional words and phrases words that are echoed from a preceding section or that forecast keywords in the next section.
- Pronouns —Pronouns like it , this , or that —occurring alone without a following noun—are the weakest of transitional devices. In the following examples, notice how effective they can be when combined with a clarifying noun.
- Summary transitions —At key points in writing, you'll see a phrase, sometimes accompanied by a pronoun, that summarizes the preceding discussion. In the same sentence, a statement will be made about that summary phrase—typically this phrase will kick off the upcoming discussion, and do so in a way that the reader sees the connection between what came before and what is coming next. In this example this mismatch summarizes the idea expressed in the preceding discussion:
Summary transitions.
Notice how the underlined summary transition pulls together the idea expressed in the preceding discussion.
Notice how the underlined summary transition pulls together the idea expressed in the preceding discussion.
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Review-preview transitions
—The most powerful transitional device you can use is the type that summarizes the topic of the preceding chunk of information into a short phrase, does the same thing for the upcoming chunk of information, finds the appropriate transitional word, and then throws all these elements together into a sentence or two. You'd use this device at those major bridge points in reports, between large chunks of information—for example, between one 7-page section and a 9-page section that follows it.
Notice how the topic of the preceding section Coring and core analysis techniques is echoed; then transitional material However, a much faster and less expensive... introduces the topic for this next section wire-line logging analysis. (From a report written in 1983.)
Check paragraph length
One last way to review your rough draft at the structure level is to check how you have defined the paragraph breaks. Paragraphs are odd creatures—some scholars of writing believe they don't exist and are just arbitrary breakpoints that writers toss in whenever and wherever they damn well please. Sorry—in technical writing, the paragraph is a key player in the battle for clarity and comprehension. Although not always possible, paragraphs should occur where there is some shift in topic or subtopic or some shift in the way a topic is being discussed.
On a single-spaced full page of writing, look for at least one to four paragraph breaks—there's nothing magical about that average so don't treat it as if it were law. Just take a second look at those long paragraphs, and check for the possibility of paragraph breaks.
Sentence-Level Editing
You have probably heard plenty of times that writing should be lean, mean, clear, direct, succinct, active, and so on. But what does that really mean, what do sentences look like that are not that way, what sorts of things are wrong with them, and how do you fix them?
Sentences do have ways of becoming flabby, redundant, wordy, unclear, indirect, passive, and just plain old hard to understand. Even so, they remain grammatically "correct"—all their subjects and verbs agree, the commas are in the right places, the words are spelled correctly. Still, these sentences are far more difficult to read than any sentence with just a comma problem.
The following sections can't pretend to cover all of the ways sentences can go bad at this higher level, but they do cover seven of the most common problems and show you ways of fixing them. And knowing these seven will probably enable you to spot all the others we have not trapped and labeled yet.
Edit week "be-verbs"
One of the big culprits that cause weak, indirect writing is the use of the be verb as the main verb. That's not to say that the be verb should never be used as the main verb, just that there are cases where doing so makes for weak writing. Look at the following examples of this problem—they are not that hard to spot. Then look at the revisions—notice how a noun (often one ending in -ion ) has been converted into a verb. That's how to fix this problem—find a noun to convert into an active verb, and then rebuild the sentence upon it!
| Problem: | Edit: |
| The contribution of Quality Circles is mostly to areas of training and motivating people to produce higher quality work. | Quality Circles contribute to the training and the motivating of people to produce high quality work. |
| Measurement of temperature is done in degrees of Fahrenheit or Celsius, and its indications are by colored marks on the outside of the thermometer. | Temperature is measured in degrees of Fahrenheit or Celsius and is indicated by colored marks on the outside of the thermometer. |
| The beginning of the clonic phase is when the sustained tonic spasm of the muscles gives way to sharp, short, interrupted jerks. | The clonic phase begins when the sustained tonic spasm of the muscle gives way to sharp, short, interrupted jerks. |
| During speech, the generation of sound is by vocal chords and the rushing of air from the lungs. | During speech, sound is generated by the vocal cords and rushing air from the lungs. |
| The response of the normal ear to sounds is in the audio-frequency between about 20-20,000 Hz. | The normal ear responds to sounds within the audio-frequency range of about 20-20,000 Hz. |
Edit noun stacks
Another common sentence-style problem involves piling up nouns in a phrase. The effect is similar being hit in the head with a large blunt object. Again, take a look at the examples of this problem, which are also not hard to spot, and at the revisions. When you revise a "noun stack," you unpack or unstack the nouns into verbs, clauses, and phrases:
| Problem: | Edit: |
| There is a growing awareness of organizational employee creative capacity . | Awareness of the creative capacity of employees in all organizations is growing. |
| Position acquisition requirements are any combination of high school graduation and years of increasingly responsible secretarial experience. | To qualify for the position, you'll need to be a high school graduate and have had increasingly responsible secretarial experience. |
| The Quality Circle participation roles and tasks and time/cost requirements of Quality Circle organizational implementation will be described. | The tasks of the participants in Quality Circles and the time and cost requirements involved in the implementation of Quality Circles will be discussed. |
| Proper integrated circuit packaging type identification and applications are crucial to electrical system design and repair. | Identifying the proper type of packaging for integrated circuits is crucial to the design and repair of electrical systems. |
| Cerebral-anoxia-associated neonatal period birth injuries can lead to epileptic convulsions. | Birth injuries associated with cerebral anoxia in the neonatal period can lead to epileptic convulsions. |
Edit redundant phrasing
Redundancy in writing can come about from these three sources (but there are probably plenty more):
- Wordy set phrases (4- to 5-word phrases; these can be chopped to a 1- to 2-word phrases with no loss of meaning): for example, "in view of the fact that"—it can be reduced to "since" or "because."
- Obvious qualifiers (a word is implicit in the word it modifies): phrases like "anticipate in advance," "completely finish," or "important essentials" are examples of obvious qualifiers—we know that already!
- Scattershot phrasing (two or more synonyms are compounded): compounds like "thoughts and ideas" (what's the difference?) or "actions and behavior" (if there is a difference between these two, does the writer mean to use it?).
Wordy: Edited: |
in view of the fact that since, because at this point in time then it is recommended that we recommend as per your request as you requested in light of the fact that since, because being of the opinion that I believe in the near future soon during the time that then it would be advisable to should, ought due to the fact that since, because in this day and age now, currently for the reason that since, because in my own personal opinion I believe,in my opinion to the fullest extent possible fully in accordance with your request as you requested four in number four predicated upon the fact that based on inasmuch as since, because pursuant to your request as you requested in connection with related to take cognizance of the fact that realize it has come to my attention that I have learned that with reference to the fact that concerning, about with regard to concerning, about in close proximity to near, close, about to the extent that as much as in the neighborhood of near, close, about until such time as until has the ability to can that being the case therefore |
Edit weak expletives
If you were around for Watergate, the term "expletive" means something specific to you (in the tapes and transcripts of Nixon's staff, many expletives had to be "deleted"). In this context, however, the term expletive refers to variations of there is and it is . This is not to say that it is always wrong to use these phrases in sentences, but they can easily be misused or overused. Like redundant phrasing, they add more words than are needed, and more words blunt the meaning, creating a fog around the sense of a sentence.
| Problem: | Edit: |
| When there is a very strong build-up at the front of the plane, it is what is known as a shock wave. | When a very strong build-up occurs at the front end of the plane, a shock wave occurs. |
| When there is decay of a radioactive substance, there is the emission of some form of a high-energy particle—an alpha particle, a beta particle, or a gamma ray. | When a radioactive substance decays, some form of a high-energy particle—an alpha particle, a beta particle, or a gamma ray—is emitted. |
| It is the results of studies of the central region of the M87 galaxy that have shown that there are stars near the center that move around as though there were some huge mass at the center that was attracting them. | Recent studies of the central region of the M87 galaxy have shown stars near the center moving around as though some huge mass at the center were attracting them. |
Edit weak passive-voice sentences
One of the all-time worst offenders for creating unclear, wordy, indirect writing is the passive-voice construction. It's easy enough to convert a sentence from active voice to passive voice, and back again:
| Passive: | Active: |
| The report was written by the student. | The student wrote the report. |
However, the passive voice can be a shifty operator—it can cover up its source, that is, who's doing the acting, as this example shows:
| Passive: | Active: |
| The papers will be graded according to the criteria stated in the syllabus. (Graded by whom though?) | The teacher will grade the papers according to the criteria stated in the syllabus. (Oh! that guy...) |
(It's this ability to cover the actor or agent of the sentence that makes the passive voice a favorite of people in authority—policemen, city officials, and, yes, teachers. But save that for some other course!) At any rate, you can see how the passive voice can cause wordiness, indirectness, and comprehension problems.
| Passive: | Active: |
| Your figures have been reanalyzed in order to determine the coefficient of error. The results will be announced when the situation is judged appropriate. (Who analyzes, and who will announce?) | We have reanalyzed your figures in order to determine the range of error. We will announce the results when the time is right. |
| Almost all home mortgage loans nowadays are made for twenty-five years. With the price of housing at such inflated levels, those loans cannot be paid off in any shorter period of time. (Who makes the loans, and who can't pay them off?) | Almost all home mortgage loans nowadays are for twenty-five years. With the price of housing at such inflated levels, homeowners cannot pay off those loans in any shorter period of time. |
| After the arm of the hand-held stapler is pushed down, the blade from the magazine is raised by the top-leaf spring, and the magazine and base. (Who pushes it down, and who or what raises it?) | After you push down on the arm of the hand-held stapler, the top-leaf spring raises the blade from the magazine, and the magazine and base move apart. |
| However, market share is being lost by 5.25-inch diskettes as is shown in the graph in Figure 2. (Who or what is losing market share, who or what shows it?) | However, 5.25-inch diskettes are losing market share as the graph in Figure 2 shows. |
| For many years, federal regulations concerning the use of wire-tapping have been ignored . Only recently have tighter restrictions been imposed on the circumstances that warrant it. (Who has ignored the regulations, and who is now imposing them?) | For many years, government officials have ignored federal regulations concerning the use of wire-tapping. Only recently has the federal government imposed tighter restrictions on the circumstances that warrant it. |
Don't get the idea that the passive voice is always wrong and should never be used. It is a good writing technique when we don't want to be bothered with an obvious or too-often-repeated subject and when we need to rearrange words in a sentence for emphasis. Notice that the passive voice is used correctly in some of the examples above.
Edit subject-verb mismatches
In dense, highly technical writing, it's easy to lose track of the real subject and pick a verb that just does not make sense. The result is a noun physically not able to do what the verb says it is doing, or some abstract thing performing something nitty-gritty real-world action. Here are some examples and their revision:
| Problem: | Revision: |
| The causes of the disappearance of early electric automobiles were devastating to the future of energy conservation in the U.S. | The disappearance of early electric automobiles destroyed the future of energy conservation in the U.S. |
| Presently, electric vehicles are experimenting with two types of energy sources. | Presently, research on electric vehicles involves two types of energy sources. |
| Consequently, the body is more coordinated and is less likely to commit mental mistakes . | Consequently, workers will be more coordinated and commit fewer mental errors. |
Edit sentence-length problems
When you are writing about highly technical subject matter, it is easy to construct long sentences that become hard to read. The military standard for many years has been 17 words per sentence. Other standards allow up to 25 words per sentence. It's not that sentences can't be significantly longer or shorter than these standards—it's just that the average ought to stay somewhere within the 17- to 25-word range. However, any sentence over 35 or 40 words probably needs to be broken up. And while an occasional short sentence (say, 5 to 10 words) can be very effective, lots of them can cause writing to be choppy and hard to follow.
Breaking up overly long sentences is fun—it's a lot like throwing things away or tearing something down (it appeals to our destructive urges). Take a look at these examples, before and after:
| Problem: | Revision: |
| In order to understand how a solid, liquid or gas can be made to give off radiation in the form of a laser beam, one must understand some of the basic theory behind laser light. | A solid, liquid or gas can be made to give off radiation in the form of a laser beam. Understanding this process requires some knowledge about the basic theory behind laser light. |
| Laser beams, which have many properties that distinguish them from ordinary light, result from the emission of energy from atoms in the form of electromagnetic waves whose range in most laser beams is 10 -3 to 10 -7 meters. | Most laser beams are just beams of light but which have properties that distinguish them from ordinary light. Laser beams result from the emission of energy from atoms to form of electromagnetic waves. The range of electromagnetic waves found in most laser beams is 10 -3 to 10 -7 meters. |
Precision of Words
Sometimes, in early drafting, writers fall back on words that are vague or boring. For example, consider sentences starting with “This” or “It.” Unless the previous sentence made it totally clear what the “This” or the “It” is, the reader will be confused. For example,
Instead of the following: “This is an exciting point in the movie.”
How about this?
“The surprise ending of the movie is exciting.”
The same thing goes for starting a sentence with the personal pronoun “It.” See the two sentences below.
Instead of this: “It caused the audience to break into applause.”
Define the “It” like this. “The final scene caused the audience to break into applause.”
To note, this kind of sentence structure is essentially using words as “filler” to take up space within a sentence and creates a sort of vagueness for the reader who will wonder what the subject of the sentence might be. Sometimes such sentence construction is fine, but writers use it too often.
In addition, many students believe that using one of the following words adds an element of description or accentuation to their phrases; however, these specific words are overused by writers and should be given special consideration:
- Really
- Very
- Just
Trick #1: If writers conduct a global search for each of the three words above, they can use them as “red flags” to alert themselves to the perfect place to try to find a better way of saying what they want to say. How does one improve vocabulary? Use a thesaurus and read more.
What’s a word for “very scary”? Frightening.
What’s another way of saying “really hungry”? Famished.
On another note: The phrase “a lot” has generally outrun it’s usage by the time one reaches college. Generalizations are better avoided, as they are vague and imprecise. Academics prefer statistics and specific, verifiable statements.
Repetition of Words and Phrases
The unintentional repetition of words and phrases is one of the most common oversights writers make. They all have their go-to words—ones that come naturally to them when they speak and write. The general advice is for writers to use a thesaurus to find a synonym for the overused word. However, what if there isn’t a synonym for the word? Look at the paragraph below:
This past summer, I had the opportunity to intern at Sea Life Park. Sea Life Park is known for being an exciting destination for locals and tourists to experience the wonders of sea life from throughout the Pacific. At the park, green sea turtles, or Honu, thrive and even continue to have babies. In addition, dolphins and the Hawaiian monk seals provide visitors with the ability to view these majestic creatures but also learn about their significance within the Pacific Ocean ecosystem and their importance within island culture.
This writer’s paragraph isn’t bad. However, “Sea Life Park” is repeated twice in the first two sentences. In addition, in sentence three, he begins with “At the park” followed by another “sea.” He defended his construction and word choice by stating, “But there isn’t another word for ‘Sea Life Park’.” Indeed, the “find a synonym” strategy would not work in this case just like there isn’t a synonym for “parking lot” or “ice cream sundae.” So another trick has to be used.
Trick #2: If a synonym doesn’t exist, remove the repetitive words and combine the sentences.
This past summer, I had the opportunity to intern at Sea Life Park, known for being an exciting destination for locals and tourists to experience the wonders of sea life from throughout the Pacific.
Replacing the repeated phrase with a comma before “known” does the trick. But wait. The phrase “sea life” appears again a little later in this same sentence. Now what?
Trick #3: Use your creativity to craft an original way of saying the same thing. Instead of “Sea Life Park,” call it “the world-renowned marine playground committed to protection, preservation, and education” and the writer has not only fixed the repetition issue but also introduced wonderfully original prose.
Trick #4: Writers should read everything out loud so the ear can catch what the eye might miss.
Voice, for writers, is something uniquely their own. It’s the way they put words together and involves their distinctive way of looking at the world. It makes one writer’s work stand out from that of others in its originality and authenticity. Key, though, is understanding that the development of one’s writing voice takes time and is ever changing. That’s what makes it so exciting.
Here are samples of sentences from two famous writers. Though both these writers lived in America at approximately the same time, their “voices” are very different. What are the elements that make these sentences so different?
It was very late and everyone had left the cafe except an old man who sat in the shadow the leaves of the tree made against the electric light. In the daytime the street was dusty, but at night the dew settled the dust and the old man liked to sit late because he was deaf and now at night it was quiet and he felt the difference. (Ernest Hemingway, “A Clean, Well-Lighted Place.”)
Alive, Miss Emily had been a tradition, a duty, and a care, a sort of hereditary obligation upon the town, dating from that day in 1894 when Colonel Sartoris, the mayor—he who fathered the edict that no woman should appear on the streets without an apron—remitted her taxes, the dispensation dating from the death of her father on into perpetuity. (William Faulkner, “A Rose for Emily.”)
Style: Style is much broader than voice. Some writers have a writing style that’s complex and packed with personification, metaphor, and imagery. Other writers have a more straightforward style with more simplicity or directness.
Grammar: The Grand Dame
According to Merriam-Webster, grammar is a system of rules that defines the structure of a language. For most of the USA, that system is Standard American English (SAE). Grammar is the way people use language rules and how words are used in a certain order to form phrases and clauses that relay a meaning for readers. The term “syntax” (the art of sentence structure) goes hand-in-hand with this.
Writers and speakers of any given language are aware that the rules related to grammar and usage of that language are largely appropriated not by formal instruction and memorization but informally and even subconsciously as one grows up listening, speaking and reading. So it’s important to note that, as those who use language every day, students already have internalized essential grammar rules. Most college writers struggle with only one or two main grammar blind-spots, like how to correctly use a comma or semicolon. Once they master these, they can confidently edit their own work. (See Chapter 16 Grammar, Usage, and Punctuation .)
Language Usage
Writing is all about decision-making. Writers need to ask, “How should I craft this sentence, this paragraph? Given the effect of two possible punctuation marks, which one should I use? What is the effect of this word instead of that one, so similar in meaning but carrying a more negative connotation?” In this way, writing is about making endless choices. (See Chapter 16 Grammar, Usage, and Punctuation. )
When it comes down to it, writers within the academic setting do best when they acknowledge that what they are trying to produce is reader-based prose—written content that informs the reader of the essential message the writer is wanting to convey and also does so in a manner that is engaging and well-received.
On this note, it is important that the reader is able to follow the path of words, images, and meaning that the writer is wanting to create. Readers can become distracted and disinterested by awkward word choices, unintentional repetition, and incorrect spelling, grammar, word usage, and punctuation.
Spelling
All writers have words that give them hassles, even if they have learned how to spell those words. Does the word “essence” end with a “ce” or “se”? Does the word “privilege” spend any time on the “ledge”?
By the time one reaches college, one knows if spelling words correctly comes easily or not. And everyone knows that spell-checkers won’t pick up every mistake. Writers need to make time for careful editing and proofreading throughout the writing process with an extra special proofreading session before turning in any assignment. In addition, though, here is a trick that can actually help one become a better speller, even into adulthood.
Trick #5: Create a running list of all the words that you tend to misspell. If you find another word, add it to the list. Every time you sit down to write, scroll through your list. You’ll find that the spelling will become less of an issue.
Punctuation and Mechanics
Punctuation refers to the “symbols” writers use to help readers understand and process the information they wish to convey through the sentences they write. Somewhat like the notes and rests within a piece of music help musicians move quickly or slowly through a composition, punctuation marks are used for effect. ( See Chapter 16 Grammar, Usage, and Punctuation .)
Mechanics are established rules within a language system, and sometimes include the individual decisions writers make regarding the use of capitalization, underlining, italicizing, numbers versus numerals, the placement of specific punctuation marks, and how this differs throughout English-speaking countries (e.g., “towards” in the UK is often “toward” in the US, and periods and commas always go inside quotation marks in the U.S. but not in Canada).
- Search your draft using the “find” tool for words like “it,” “this,” “really,” “very,” “just” or “you.” See if you can find ways to eliminate these words to make your language sharper, more precise.
- Read the sentences of your document in backward order, starting with the last sentence, and then the one above it, all the way up to the first sentence in the document. This is a great way to find fragments or to hear where the language is repetitive or unclear.
- Make an appointment with a tutor or your instructor. Ask for help doing a close editing of two paragraphs with an eye to learning how to identify typical errors in your work, and then apply your learning to the rest of your document.
- Technical documents must be concise. While editing, pretend that you have to pay a fee for every word on the page. If each word costs you $1, would you keep every word you have, or would you find some that are not necessary and could be cut? What if the fee were $5 per word? Would you find more to cut? Challenge yourself to trim away all unnecessary words to make the document as concise as possible.
"Revision as Part of the Process" is derivative of " Revision " by Ann Inoshita, Karyl Garland, Kate Sims, Jeanne K. Tsutsui Keuma, and Tasha Williams , used under CC BY. "Editing as Part of the Process" is derivative of " Editing " by Ann Inoshita, Karyl Garland, Kate Sims, Jeanne K. Tsutsui Keuma, and Tasha Williams , used under CC BY. This chapter, "Strategies for Revising and Editing" is licensed under CC BY 4.0 by Tamara Girardi and Mary Richards.