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The Importance of Emotional Maturity - by Tiana Rodriguez

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    186592

    • Tiana Rodriguez at Pima Community College
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    Learning how to manage your emotions in a healthy way is an important aspect of living a happy life. No one is perfect and we all have our flaws, but realizing where our flaws lie and being able to take initiative to change bad habits does all the wonders. Some people go about their days treating people terribly and they just want others to suffer just as much as they do internally, and it shows loud and clear. I will be digging into mens’ mental health specifically, and go through some experiences that I have had with men that struggle with emotional maturity. I will also be explaining how these bad practices can hurt those around the men that struggle with this issue, and of course hurting themselves along the way as well.

    “Young men were never taught about their emotions and society continues to provide negative reinforcement for men that do share their feelings openly.” (Galla, 2020) Many times boys are afraid to express their feelings because someone made them feel bad about it before, or it was looked at as weak or not a big deal to be taken seriously. It saddens me to see this because what people don’t understand is they are setting these boys up for failure emotionally, and in return raising less confident men. Now, these men may like to think that they have everything under control, but once one things doesn’t go their way it’s immediately someones fault; surely not theirs. Although, this is not true, the problem lies within men knowing they are sensitive and choosing to turn that sensitivity into anger and jealousy because that is all they know. If you let your men get away with things that are not okay, they will continue to make those same mistakes and know that they will be forgiven right away.

    Personally, my father is a victim of emotional immaturity and it has caused me to grow up a certain way. I always had to walk on egg shells when he was at home because you never knew what mood dad was going to be in that day. It’s upsetting that this was part of my childhood, but me being aware and letting him know as an adult that those things were wrong is the best way for him to be aware. Just to make matters a bit worse, my dad is also an alcoholic. He has had a lot of issues with his childhood and his parents so I completely understand why he is the way he is, but at some point you have to face reality and help yourself for you and those around you. You have to help yourself to fix your inner child, and this process is not as easy as it sounds, but being aware is the first step.

    This brings me to talk about my past relationship. It’s kind of ironic but he reminded me of my dad the way that he would lash out over things that could’ve been solved quickly through calm communication. Everything just HAD to be an issue, and it made no sense to me. If there was something he didn’t like that I did there could never just be a regular conversation about it, there had to be name calling, yelling, the whole 9 yards to get his point across. This lead me to resent him over time, because who wants to be with someone that constantly puts you down over the silliest things? Not me that’s for sure. I dealt with this behavior for a total of 3 years before I lost myself completely.

    The way that he would bring me down affected my mental health a great deal, and that resulted in me losing about 35 pounds, losing my mind, and most of all losing my confidence. The thing is that I knew it wasn’t okay I just kept hoping that the person I thought he was would show up at some point, but he never did. I watched him treat his mother poorly; shouting, calling her names that would truly disgust anyone that heard it. I felt helpless for her because I knew that she felt she raised a monster, and I know that she felt sad for me too as I got the bad end of the stick as well. He didn’t have his father around growing up to help him navigate the world and I know that not having your dad as a man is a hard step to go through. But, being able to take your sadness from your childhood and turning your life around to become positive is something men are capable of.

    My boyfriend now, he has shown me that change is possible. He grew up around his mom and maybe saw his dad here and there up until they stopped talking when he was 13. His mom and his dad are active drug addicts and I know that this was and is very hard on him growing up and to this day. He also had the issue of getting so upset over things that were minuscule and could be fixed and easily at that! Although it isn’t my place to teach people how to treat me, I only had to go through that experience once with him and his outlook changed. He doesn’t dare to do those things now because he realizes the pain it brings to others.

    The concept of communication is simple, we just need to teach our men that feelings are OK, and they are apart of life for everyone. It is just how you choose to deal with those feelings that are important. Lashing out at the ones that you love because YOU are hurting, is never the answer. The answer is looking within yourself and really digging into what needs to be fixed in your life. Once you are happy with yourself, then you can share that happiness with others instead of hating on everyone else’s happiness. Apologies without change is just manipulation and that is what you need to stay clear of. Take the steps to better yourself for you and those around you.

    Works Cited

    Galla, Sean. “How to Control Your Emotions! Manage Your Feelings in 8 Simple Steps.” MensGroup.com, 13 Nov. 2020, https://mensgroup.com/how-to-control-emotions/.

    This page titled The Importance of Emotional Maturity - by Tiana Rodriguez is shared under a CC BY-NC-ND 4.0 license and was authored, remixed, and/or curated by Tiana Rodriguez at Pima Community College.