11.3: Better Listening

Listening takes a lot of effort. Our willingness to exert that effort is linked to our motivation to listen. Techniques to improve listening skills are worthless without cultivating the motivation to use them. To evaluate your own listening motivation, ask yourself the following questions:

• Do I pretend to listen?
• Do I seek distractions?
• Do I criticize the speakers?
• Do I stereotype topics as uninteresting?
• Do I prejudge the meaning and intent of speakers’ messages?
• Do I avoid difficult and complex topics?
• Do I get emotionally charged up about minor points a speaker has made?
• In a conversation, do I tune out the speaker because I’m preparing my response?
• Do I interrupt others? Has anyone told me I sometimes interrupt others?
• Do I spend a disproportionate amount of time talking in meetings or social events?
• Does everything a speaker describes remind me of something that happened to me?

Though we’ve all been guilty of these once in a while, if you answered "yes" to three or more questions, then you might benefit from some of the suggestions to improve your listening skills later in the chapter.

Sometimes we have blind spots and overestimate our success as listeners. In his book, Listening Effectively, Dr. Kline describes how most individuals in groups will rate their own listening skills as \(7.5\) out of 10 while rating the rest of the group as \(4.1\) out of 10 . These data indicate that most people see listening as a problem in others but not in themselves.

Here’s another set of "workplace climate" questions to consider. If you have "yes" answers to several of these questions, you might want to take a closer look at how you listen and interact with others.

• Do employees go around you to talk to others about work issues?
• Do you often learn about important events after the fact?
• Do you frequently find yourself putting out organizational fires?
• Are you rarely tasked with complicated responsibilities?
• Do you receive lots of information in writing ... including some items that would normally be handled face to face?

Sometimes it takes a deliberate effort to cultivate our motivation to listen. In today’s culture, a "good communicator" is often defined in terms of one’s speaking ability, yet many would argue that listening is just as important, if not more so. Today’s effective listeners command respect and admiration because listening is crucial to solving problems and making decisions.