7.2: Fake Research

Last updated
Save as PDF

Page ID: 133558

\( \newcommand{\vecs}[1]{\overset { \scriptstyle \rightharpoonup} {\mathbf{#1}} } \) \( \newcommand{\vecd}[1]{\overset{-\!-\!\rightharpoonup}{\vphantom{a}\smash {#1}}} \)\(\newcommand{\id}{\mathrm{id}}\) \( \newcommand{\Span}{\mathrm{span}}\) \( \newcommand{\kernel}{\mathrm{null}\,}\) \( \newcommand{\range}{\mathrm{range}\,}\) \( \newcommand{\RealPart}{\mathrm{Re}}\) \( \newcommand{\ImaginaryPart}{\mathrm{Im}}\) \( \newcommand{\Argument}{\mathrm{Arg}}\) \( \newcommand{\norm}[1]{\| #1 \|}\) \( \newcommand{\inner}[2]{\langle #1, #2 \rangle}\) \( \newcommand{\Span}{\mathrm{span}}\) \(\newcommand{\id}{\mathrm{id}}\) \( \newcommand{\Span}{\mathrm{span}}\) \( \newcommand{\kernel}{\mathrm{null}\,}\) \( \newcommand{\range}{\mathrm{range}\,}\) \( \newcommand{\RealPart}{\mathrm{Re}}\) \( \newcommand{\ImaginaryPart}{\mathrm{Im}}\) \( \newcommand{\Argument}{\mathrm{Arg}}\) \( \newcommand{\norm}[1]{\| #1 \|}\) \( \newcommand{\inner}[2]{\langle #1, #2 \rangle}\) \( \newcommand{\Span}{\mathrm{span}}\)\(\newcommand{\AA}{\unicode[.8,0]{x212B}}\)

Create a “Mini-Mock Research Paper” similar to the one below on any topic; you will MAKE UP sources, and quotes. No real research required. In your mock essay, the following is required: Short (direct) quotation, block quote, paraphrase from a source, and a works cited area using the correct format—should include a citation from at least three sources—one interview, one book, and one newspaper or magazine or website article. It’s okay if your essay “ends” rather abruptly—you aren’t writing the entire essay—just a small chunk of it. No conclusion is necessary. Humor is encouraged and appreciated!

Want An Example?

Cucumbers Are Gross

"A cucumber should be well sliced, and dressed with pepper and vinegar, and then thrown out, as good for nothing” (Johnson). As Samuel Johnson illustrates so clearly in the quote, the cucumber is a disgrace to food everywhere. Studies nationwide have found the cucumber to be the most disliked of all vegetables. In a study I conducted, 90% of respondents said they would never even grow the vegetable in their garden, for fear of its terrible qualities spreading to their other vegetables. Because of its consistency and taste, the cucumber is the grossest food in the human diet.

“One of the most important factors in determining a food’s success or failure in popularity is its consistency” (Right 104). Something that tastes slimy when being chewed automatically results in a feeling of disgust. Such is one of the many problems that plagues the cucumber. The interior has a texture like moist fish scales: not hard, but not soft. Doctors Moe, Larry, and Curly explain:\(^{186}\)

Basically, the cucumber incorporates water into the construction of its inner and outer skin. In doing so, the hydrocarbons from the cucumber plant only partially bind to one another due to the magnetic interference from the extra water molecules. This partial binding creates the unusual texture experienced when a person bites into a cucumber and adds to the intense flavor. (Fine)

As the good doctors above so clearly articulated, the cucumber’s poor texture is a direct result of its own development. The Center for Steve is Always Right (CFSAR), in a study contacted last year, found only 6% of Americans didn’t mind the gross feel of the cucumber plant. In creating a disgusting surface, it has made its survival much more likely since no one wants to eat something so vile. Or has it? Maybe we should exterminate the horrific plant, but that discussion shall be left for another day. We turn now to the cucumber’s taste, another deplorable aspect to an already horrible food.

Works Cited

CFSAR (Center for Steve is Always Right). “Studying the Cucumber’s Likeability.”

CFSAR Online. Updated 20 June 2002. Accessed 20 Feb. 2001.

Fine, Dr. Moe; Dr. Larry and Dr. Curly Fine. Personal Interviews. 16 Dec 2001.

Johnson, Samuel L. Personal Interview. 03 April 2001.

Right, Im. The Culture of Food. Bismarck: Randomer House, 2001.

Questions:

What are the signal phrases – or connection statements to the sources – used in this goofy cucumber sample?
Where are the following pieces in the fake cucumber sample?
- Short (direct) quotation?
- Block quote?
- A paraphrase from a source?

\(^{186}\)THIS is a better example of a block quote because it has three sentences! Woo Whoo!