7.16: Revising for Style: Wordiness
- Page ID
- 59882
\( \newcommand{\vecs}[1]{\overset { \scriptstyle \rightharpoonup} {\mathbf{#1}} } \) \( \newcommand{\vecd}[1]{\overset{-\!-\!\rightharpoonup}{\vphantom{a}\smash {#1}}} \)\(\newcommand{\id}{\mathrm{id}}\) \( \newcommand{\Span}{\mathrm{span}}\) \( \newcommand{\kernel}{\mathrm{null}\,}\) \( \newcommand{\range}{\mathrm{range}\,}\) \( \newcommand{\RealPart}{\mathrm{Re}}\) \( \newcommand{\ImaginaryPart}{\mathrm{Im}}\) \( \newcommand{\Argument}{\mathrm{Arg}}\) \( \newcommand{\norm}[1]{\| #1 \|}\) \( \newcommand{\inner}[2]{\langle #1, #2 \rangle}\) \( \newcommand{\Span}{\mathrm{span}}\) \(\newcommand{\id}{\mathrm{id}}\) \( \newcommand{\Span}{\mathrm{span}}\) \( \newcommand{\kernel}{\mathrm{null}\,}\) \( \newcommand{\range}{\mathrm{range}\,}\) \( \newcommand{\RealPart}{\mathrm{Re}}\) \( \newcommand{\ImaginaryPart}{\mathrm{Im}}\) \( \newcommand{\Argument}{\mathrm{Arg}}\) \( \newcommand{\norm}[1]{\| #1 \|}\) \( \newcommand{\inner}[2]{\langle #1, #2 \rangle}\) \( \newcommand{\Span}{\mathrm{span}}\)\(\newcommand{\AA}{\unicode[.8,0]{x212B}}\)
Learning Objectives
- Identify strategies for revising for style
- Evaluate strategies for revising for style
Sometimes writers use too many words when fewer words will appeal more to their audience and better suite their purpose. Eliminating wordiness helps all readers because it makes your ideas clear, direct, and straightforward.
Here are some common examples of wordiness to look for in your draft:
Sentences that begin with There is or There are
| Wordy | Revised |
| There are two major experiments that the Biology Department sponsors. | The Biology Department sponsors two major experiments. |
Sentences with unnecessary modifiers
| Wordy | Revised |
| Two extremely famous and well-known consumer advocates spoke eloquently in favor of the proposed important legislation. | Two well-known consumer advocates spoke in favor of the proposed legislation. |
Sentences with unnecessary phrases that add little to the meaning
Be judicious when you use phrases such as “in terms of,” “with a mind to,” “on the subject of,” “as to whether or not,” “more or less,” “as far as…is concerned,” and similar expressions. You can usually find a more straightforward way to state your point.
| Wordy | Revised |
| As a world leader in the field of green technology, the company plans to focus its efforts in the area of geothermal energy. A report as to whether or not to use geysers as an energy source is in the process of preparation. | As a world leader in green technology, the company plans to focus on geothermal energy. A report about using geysers as an energy source is in preparation. |
CC licensed content, Original
- Revising for Style: Wordiness. Authored by: Alison Hitch. Provided by: University of Mississippi. License: CC BY: Attribution
CC licensed content, Shared previously
- Revising and Editing. Provided by: Lumen Learning/SUNY OER Services. Located at: https://courses.lumenlearning.com/suny-mcc-college-composition/chapter/revising-and-editing/. Project: College Composition. License: CC BY-NC: Attribution-NonCommercial
All rights reserved content
- Meme: Very young small early peas. Located at: https://imgur.com/. License: All Rights Reserved. License Terms: Fair Use