31.7: Parenting Ethics

Even when dealing with smaller scale moral issues, such as how to parent, people are prone to a variety of reasoning errors. The most common mistake in this regard is to make appeals to tradition and popularity. When discussing issues from spanking to whether preteens should be allowed to have cell phones, it is fairly common for people to argue that since they were raised under certain conditions, their children should be as well. It should be clear that just because some of us were spanked growing up, this doesn’t mean that spanking is a reasonable thing to do. If a person wants to spank their children, they will need to appeal to legitimate moral reasons, rather than their own upbringing. Similarly, some parents will institute policies, like limited screen time on school nights, because they know that other parents do it. This is just a combination of the appeal to popularity and social proof. This isn’t to say that limiting screen time isn’t a good idea, but the mere fact that other people are doing it is a bad reason to have the rule.

The mistaken thinking that leads to these appeals to traditions and popularities are really the mirror image of another issue – that of neglecting experts. This book has taught us the value of relying on experts for advice, and there is no reason parents shouldn’t do this as well. Should you spank your children? Well, to help you decide, rather than recalling what your parents did, or checking out what your social media friends have to say about it, it’s probably worth listening to what the child and developmental psychologists have to say (they say don’t do it). Should you vaccinate your children? Probably you want to talk to some pediatricians (they say you should). Parenting is really hard, and there are a lot of decisions to be made. There is no reason to go it alone or to just rely on what little experience you have when you could consult overwhelming bodies of evidence.