6.15: Answer Key- Clarity and Style

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Gabriel Winer & Elizabeth Wadell
Berkeley City College & Laney College via ASCCC Open Educational Resources Initiative (OERI)

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6.3: Finding Your Academic Voice

Analyzing academic voice

The first excerpt starts with a hook -- a question or questions to get the reader interested in the topic. After the hook, Amandaa continues with a personal story in the first person. Next, the writer continues discussing a personal experience. Although this experience is related, it’s not exactly the same topic, and it’s unclear what the main idea is.

The second excerpt begins the same way, but Amanda continues in the third person and it’s clear that the information is unified around one single topic. The information in the second part of the excerpt clearly relates back to the initial questions.

Based on what we know about academic writing, the second excerpt, which is a revised version of the first, is a closer fit to our definition. It’s a more effective example of academic writing.

6.7: Using Active Voice

Identifying active vs. passive voice

Sentence 1 is best because it is in active voice: it focuses on the subject (pesticides) doing actions (eliminating, killing) to objects (destructive insects, bees).

Sentence 2 is in passive voice: it technically conveys the same information, but it focuses on the objects (destructive insects, bees) and adds the subject (pesticides) in a way that sounds like extra information. It's not wrong, but it's less clear.

Sentence 3 is in passive voice and doesn't name the subject (pesticides) at all.

Identifying passive voice in a paragraph

These sentences use passive voice:

It’s difficult for people of lower socioeconomic status who live in food deserts to access healthy food because not enough fresh produce is sold by stores in their communities.
As specified by FARA, 33% of residents in West Oakland are at least one mile away from any supermarket, and vehicles are not owned by one-third of its residents.
Given the facts above, it can reasonably be assumed that if people don’t have a car and taking the bus is needed to access healthy food, it will cause inconvenience and their willingness to purchase healthy food will be diminished.

How could you revise each sentence to use active voice? Ask yourself who or what is doing the action in each clause, and make that the subject. Here are possible revisions:

It’s difficult for people of lower socioeconomic status who live in food deserts to access healthy food because not enough stores in their communities sell fresh produce.
As specified by FARA, 33% of residents in West Oakland are at least one mile away from any supermarket, and one-third of its residents do not own vehicles.
Given the facts above, it can reasonably be assumed that if people don’t have a car and need to take the bus to the market, they will be less willing to purchase healthy food.