2: Describing Setting and Characters

Developing Descriptors

Oftentimes, beginner writers will describe settings and characters like this:

This is not a bad sentence, but it lacks a captivating setting and character. There is nothing wrong with the concept of a man (character) and a park (setting). In fact, a lot of interesting stories can be told through this opening sentence. However, the setting and character are currently quite hollow. Man and park are essentially empty vessels with nothing for the reader to interpret. For example, what type of man is here? Is he old, young, angry, charming? It’s not clear. The same applies for park. Is this a playground? A public place? While these questions about the man and park could be answered in following sentences, that’s extra wording that doesn’t need to be added. Let’s improve this one sentence so it is rich with description.

The biggest issue with this sentence is that the reader needs to imagine the entire scene on their own. The reader is substituting their own ideas of what this man and park represents and not what the writer visualized. Sometimes, this is a good thing, as vague concepts can stimulate our imagination with more vast and vivid ideas than the written word can. However, in this case, we want to orient the reader to imagine characters and settings in a particular way. We need to add descriptors to our characters and settings:

Let’s add a few more words to the sentence so there are more descriptors:

By adding descriptors, the sentence has completely transformed. At this point, instead of visualizing any particular man on a bench, the descriptor has forced the reader to imagine a man with sunglasses who is sitting upright. Giant aviators cover his eyes as well as his emotions. Why isn’t this man relaxing on a park bench? Perhaps, he’s waiting for someone, and this is a serious confrontation. While we will never know the reason why the man has glasses and is sitting upright, at least our imagination is beginning to wander. The descriptors have helped developed a unique image of a man in our mind’s eye.

In addition, the reader now has a better idea of what the park looks like. Instead of the other three seasons, the reader can visualize a wintry setting. This isn’t just a coating of snow, but enough accumulation to require plowing of the sidewalks. However, where are the people? The man must be only seeing a field of untouched white. This sentence allows the reader’s imagination to explore more than simply A man sits on a bench in the middle of the park. With descriptors, we can point the reader to imagine in a certain and vivid way.

Let’s try another example:

Again, a grammatically sound sentence, but there is little to visualize. We need to add more descriptors to get a better picture of the child as well as the bus stop. Try asking yourself some basic questions like How old is this child and what is he like? Or Where is this bus stop located? How you answer those questions regarding the character and setting will help you identify some basic descriptors to incorporate into the sentence. Perhaps something like:

We answered the first question by writing that he is a middle-schooler, and we hinted that he’s a bit different from other kids by indicating he’s sitting on a mailbox instead of just standing. Also, we answered the second question by suggesting this takes place in a city because of the polluted air. Granted, additional sentences would further answer these questions, but notice how just adding a few more words dramatically changes the scene? Descriptors are vital to helping the reader imagine a particular scene, so be sure to add them in.

Haiku, the Best Way to Practice Description

While most students practice writing haiku at some point in their life, they are often missing the most important point: it’s a great way to practice description. Often, writers of haiku are so hyper fixated on the need to have 5 syllables, 7 syllables, 5 syllables, that they completely forget that haiku also is an artform for imagination. For instance, take Matsuo Bashô, the legendary haiku writer, who wrote:

Which roughly translates to:

With such a limited set of syllables, Bashô provides just enough details to capture a precise image. Forget all about the syllable stuff and notice how he captures an image. Each line has a different descriptor. The first focuses on the pond, the second the water, and the third the frog. When combined, they create one lucid moment. In haiku, capturing that one moment is key, and it is a great instrument to practice describing characters and setting.

For example, let’s go back to the man on the bench in the wintery park. First, let’s focus on the setting and describe it in more vivid detail. Re-read this sentence below:

Close your eyes and imagine what else is around the snowy park. Now, pick three things from your imagination and write it into three lines. Don’t worry about punctuation, just capture three things stirring in your imagination. It might look something like this:

While this might work for a haiku, we want to add this back into our narrative. Let’s add some punctuation and place it right after the open sentence.

With these additional descriptors, the setting is beginning to be more vivid. However, while the setting is improving, the man is still vague. Let’s try the same exercise again, but this time focus only on the man with the aviator glasses. Before closing your eyes, try to imagine not only what he physically looks like but also what he is doing—what actions he is performing. Write down three additional lines solely on this man. It may look something like this:

Now, let’s add some punctuation and fit it into our paragraph. Note that there is not one way to translate this poetry into sentences, so experiment with different sentences and see which ones flow the best:

With only a few sentences, we’re now able to describe a character and setting with some vivid details. While it is fine to spend many sentences developing a character and setting, remember that you can capture moments with a limited number of words.

Beware the Overuse of Adjectives and Adverbs

Unfortunately, there is a ton of bad advice when it comes to describing settings and characters—with the two main culprits being adjectives and adverbs. Though there is surely a place for adjectives and adverbs in creative writing, an over reliance on them will make your settings and characters very shallow. For example, let’s add some descriptors to a dog. Let’s say that it’s a mean dog. However, visualize the word mean for a second. Does mean actually invoke an image? Probably, but not in the way that you think. Maybe the word mean triggered the image of a dog snarling with its tailed raised. If so, then why don’t we simply use that phrase instead:

Oddly enough, adjectives and adverbs aren’t always the best way to invoke images. Instead, using verbs and nouns does a much better job. In this sentence, we used verbs like snarled and raised as well as tail for a noun. However, though this sentence may invoke mean it could also capture defensive as well. Let’s add another sentence to capture mean dog:

The second sentence seems a bit off. It’s a bit too wordy and doesn’t capture the meanness that we have been looking for. One of the problems is the reliance on adverbs here. Since the verbs moved and bite lacked enough imagery, an easy solution is to tack on adverbs quickly and firmly at the end. However, a better solution is to simply use stronger and more imaginative verbs. Perhaps something like this:

With less words and more imagery, replacing the weak verbs with lunged and chomped adds a lot more character to the dog. Sometimes, it is better to say the soft hand or he suddenly realized. However, take some time looking over your writing and note if there are adjectives and adverbs in your sentences. If there are, see if you can substitute them for better verbs or nouns. For example, instead of walked slowly try sauntered or creeped—depending on the context. Instead of the large building try the building towered over the trees. It takes more work, but developing this skill will vastly improve your descriptors and paint a better picture in your reader’s mind.

Check In: Description Practice

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