4.4: "Feminism and the Theme of Marriage in Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’s Writing" By Shayla O’Connor

Feminism and the Theme of Marriage in Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’s Writing

By Shayla O’Connor

Adichie approaches the theme of marriage within her novels by exploring the ways in which unbalanced power dynamics affect participants in relationships. She reflects on both Nigerian and American culture, as well as the immigrant experience in marriages and how different cultural values can affect the perception of a healthy relationship. In her nonfiction feminist writing and in the fictional “The Arrangers of Marriage” and Americanah, she discusses the concept of marriage both directly and through characters to convey to the reader how gender dynamics impact a husband and wife. She has cautionary tales, such as Obinze and Kosi, and Chianza and Dave that show that when there is an imbalance of power in a marriage, it is doomed for failure. Adichie’s writings show readers when there is mutual respect and an equal partnership, the marriage will thrive. In “We Should All Be Feminists,” Adichie discusses many topics, including how to prepare young women for understanding marriage as a concept and what it means for them. She speaks on how to raise young women to respect themselves as people and not place their value in relation to how men perceive them. She talks about the power of words and how to see how feminism within a partnership is to benefit both parties. An example of equal treatment is in her book “Dear Ijeawele” where Adichie says, “Many people believe that a woman’s feminist repsonse to a husband’s infedility should be to leave. But I think staying can also be a feminist choice, depending on the context” (Adichie 6). She goes on to describe how it can be a feminist choice if the situation were reversed, should the man decide to stay with his wife if she were unfaithful. By that logic, it is feminist for her to decide to stay with him, and vice versa. It depends on the expectations set up in the marriage, both partners need to be held to the same level of accountability. Unfortunately, in most marriages a man would not forgive a woman, and a woman is most often expected to forgive the man. Adichie describes this reasoning in “Dear Ijeawele” as “gender based- that absurd idea of ‘men will be men,’ which means having a much lower standard for men” (Adichie 7). In effect, men have the ability to be unfaithful and not face severe consequences, rendering the decision to act on impulse all the easier. By being unfaithful he breaks the trust in his marriage which will either lead to two miserable people stuck together using each other for spousal duties only and no emotional fulfilment, or a divorce.

In “‘We Should All Be Feminists’: The Portrayal of Female Characters in the Novels of Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie” Roberta Maierhofer discusses the intentions behind Adichie’s feminist principles. Maierhofer states, “Presenting women as being used in marriage, child care and domestic work, feminists believe in a healthy coexistence between both sexes. She calls herself a Happy African Feminist Who Does Not Hate Men. She tries to reject the negative idea about feminism in terms of hatred feminists feel for men” (Maierhofer 11). This is important in removing the stigma the term ‘feminism’ carries. It is not only a pro-woman movement, but a pro-everyone movement. Equality between men and women is mutually beneficial in a relationship, choosing to not take away a woman’s power does not result in a weaker man, but a stronger team.

Within her works of fiction, Adichie’s main focus is not often the struggles of women, but rather the experiences women go through and how they can be shaped by patriarchal values. The experiences are not all necessarily negative but focus on how society fixates on how women exist in relation to men, rather than independently as their own person. This is an important observation to make when understanding the role of gender in our society. Maierhofer comments on Adichie’s portrayal of gender inequality, saying, “Through her characters she tries to present her ideas not only about gender equality, but about women in general. When she talks about gender inequality, she talks about Nigeria, especially the Igbo society where women are still treated very differently” (Maierhofer 5). By analyzing Adichie’s intention through this lens, we can understand that her focus is not narrowed to the wrongdoings men do against women, but rather the experience they go through together in life, and why it may cause harm. In the paper, “An Examination of Women’s voices in Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’s ‘The Thing Around Your Neck,’” Christy Aisha Olorunfemi discusses a study that pertains to this idea:

Susan Arndt’s The Dynamics of African Feminism (2002) offers an analysis of theories of African feminism. She highlights African women writers’ focus on Womanism, which acknowledges that while women suffer from sexism, women and men in African societies are both victims of oppressive and corrupt systems, necessitating solidarity and efforts to eliminate inequalities not only for women, but for all people. (Olorunfemi 32)

The most obvious ways in which women’s lives are directly affected by men is within a marriage, and so it is an easy tool to use within a narrative to exemplify the ways in which women are treated.

It should be noted that in all cases of marriage discussed in Adichie’s literature, they are always heterosexual. Adichie chooses not to explore the relationship dynamics between a couple in the LGBTQ+ community, as in those relationships there is a different balance of power, distribution of resources, and style of communication. In a 2014 paper published by Dr. O. A. Odiase-Alegimenlen and Jacob Osamagiagiemwen Garuba, they describe the legal situation of same sex marriage in Nigeria. They wrote, “The Same Sex Marriage (Prohibition) Act 2013 which is the extant law in Nigeria prohibits and criminalises marriage contract or civil union between persons of same sex” (Alegimenlen and Osamagiagiemwen 281). The law has been heavily criticized as it has been used to arrest and attack men who are suspected of being gay when in a public space. A theory as to the absence of same-sex relationships in her literature may be to assume that because it is not as widely accepted in Nigeria as in the US at this time, Adichie may inherently not be overly accepting of it. However, in a 2014 conference she said,

On what basis is homosexuality a crime? Adults do no harm to society in how they love and whom they love. This is a law that will not prevent crime, but will, instead, lead to crimes of violence: there are already, in different parts of Nigeria, attacks on people ‘suspected’ of being gay. Ours is a society where men are openly affectionate with one another. Men hold hands. Men hug each other. Shall we now arrest friends who share a hotel room, or who walk side by side? How do we determine the clunky expressions in the law — “mutually beneficial,” “directly or indirectly?” (qtd. in King)

Another theory is, she may not want to alienate her audience of readers in Africa who do agree with the law,. From a bookseller’s perspective she might avoid LGBTQ+themes as a way of making money. According to a 2015 BBC report, “Nigeria Poll Suggests 87% Oppose Gay Rights.” A 2015 US poll found that, “A 60% of Americans supported same-sex marriage, 37% opposed, and 3% had no opinion” (McCarthy). There was a dramatic difference in opinion that may have held sway over the kind of content she decided to make. It may be an economic strategy, or perhaps just a personal choice given that she does not feel comfortable describing characters in which she does not fully understand their experience. Regardless, of the reason the absence of same sex marriage noticable especially as she so heavily focuses on relationships in her body of work. Perhaps the focus on cisgendered, heterosexual relationships is due to her intention to ground the reader in a feminist lens thatrelationships are mostly shaped by the patriarchy. LGBTQ+ relationships often are forged against patriarchal norms, including gay relationships, and so by not including them, she specifically investigates how heterosexual partnerships are informed by their patriarchal contexts.

In “The Arrangers of Marriage,” Adichie explores the ways in which our society normalizes marital expectations that serve to satisfy men’s desires while forcing women to adopt a position of subservience, often requiring them to relinquish their own personal ambitions for the sake of their husbands. The character, Chinaza, is asked to sacrifice her own identity by being forced to adapt to American culture by means of cutting off her Nigerian roots. Dave, her husband, tries to force her to adopt a new persona by pushing a new anglicized name onto her, in a way trying to strip her of her sole identifier to mold her into something that better fits his American lifestyle. He says, “You don’t understand how it works in this country...you have to use your English name here” (Adichie 172). This is not only a blatant lie, but an attempt to wield the power he has of having more knowledge on American culture over her to manipulate her into doing what he wants. Dave does not view Chianza as an equal and it is evident in the way he holds no regard for her thoughts, feelings or personhood. The language specifically, “you have” is a demand, he is not presenting this as a choice for Chianza to make for herself. As her husband, and self-appointed teacher on all things American, he resorts to bullying from a place of entitlement that stems from a masculine culture that has empowered him to feel superior to women.

Dave is not asked to change anything about himself to better suit Chianza’s needs within the relationship. The entire burden of conformity is pushed upon the woman and normalized by Chianza’s family members who obviously expect compliance from her. This struggle of traditional identity in a new environment is also studied by Joane Nagel in her paper“Constructing Ethnicity: Creating and Recreating Ethnic Identity and Culture.” She writes, “Ethnic identity, is the result of a dialectical process involving internal and external opinions and processes, as well as the individual’s self-identification and outsiders’ ethnic designations-i.e., what you think your ethnicity is, versus what they think your ethnicity is” (Nagel 154). This correlates to Chianza and Dave’s situation in the way that there is a disconnect in how they perceive the Nigerian immigrant experience. Chianza takes pride in her cultural history, traditions, food, clothes and past, she shows joy at participating in cultural norms like when she cooks him coconut rice. She was so happy to share the meal with him, and he would not even indulge her saying, “I don’t want to be known as the people who fill the building with scents of foreign food” (Adichie 179). Dave finds it all to be shameful, something to be repressed in favor of an American identity. This conflict of insider vs outsider perceptions takes a toll on their marriage. Dave is hyper aware of outsider opinions and acts accordingly to try and blend in as much as possible. Chianza is much more internally focused and does not see her heritage as something that needs to be hidden because to her it is not a lesser comparison to Americanism. Adichie shows both sides of this argument in hopes that the reader understands the Black, woman, immigrant experience when they come to America via marriage. There are unspoken expectations that exist to take away the woman’s agency, empower the man in the relationship, and ultimately shift her identity. Dave’s identity also consists entirely of his ability to conform to American society and be accepted. He must erase parts of himself, his roots, and his heritage in order to present a more ‘palatable’ version of himself and achieve professional success, connections, and status. All of those things are necessary for him to fulfill his masculine role of husband. He is also trapped by not being able to be authentic, and his need to hold power over Chiaza is entirely due to his desire to feel more masculine by trying to make her weak in comparison.

Adichie shows the way that women face unique struggles within marriage that men simply do not. It is the woman’s duty to maintain the marriage by making the man happy, because she is stripped of her independence, her very survival depends on it. Chianza’s struggle is also unique to her situation specifically as a female immigrant. The difference in power dynamics, in this case with Dave carrying the citizenship, the papers, the house, and all connections in America, oppresses Chinaza by the very nature of being in a relationship with someone who has absolute control over all the aspects of life she relies on for survival. Other women who are not immigrants will not go through the exact same hardships in a marriage because the option to divorce is not as catastrophic. An American woman still has privileges due to her citizenship that allow her to survive more easily without a husband. Furthermore, a male immigrant would also have a different experience because the inherent power imbalance that comes with a male/female marriage in our society would not be working against his favor. It would be more difficult for him to be abused in the same way. Additionally, Chianza is let down by the U.S. government, which does not offer resources to help support her leaving this toxic marriage. She is stuck with no option than to be obedient to Ofodile’s expectations or face extreme consequences that are unique to her person. Adichie often touches on themes of women who get pressured into agreeing to marriage under false pretenses that in the end result in exploitation and abuse.

Furthermore, in Adichie’s novel Americanah, the marriage of characters Obinze and Kosi is a central plot point showing the flaws in their partnership and the ways in which society, as well as their own personal expectations have set them up for failure. Their relationship differs greatly from Chianza and Ofodile’s relationship. Rather than poor immigrants in a new country that are not receptive to their culture or traditions, they are wealthy and hold a high class status that allows them to live life far more comfortably. However, regardless of their privileges in those aspects, their relationship still suffers similar problems also stemming from a lack of feminism. Kosi has traditional expectations of Obinze fulfilling a head of house role as provider, husband and father. Kosi’s narrative foil, and the protagonist Ifemelu has a contrasting attitude towards marriage. She is at times repulsed by it, but when she does consider it, she wants an equal partnership. Adichie shows how women are raised to desire and expect subservient roles and that they will never find true fulfillment as is the case with Kosi. In Americanah, Adichie writes, “[Obinze] should not compare, but he did. Ifemelu demanded of him ... She expected to be satisfied, but Kosi did not. Kosi always met his touch with complaisance and sometimes he would imagine her pastor telling her that a wife should have sex with her husband” (569). Kosi is only doing what she has been told to do her entire life, she has not had the opportunity to explore other cultures where it is more acceptable for a woman to pursue her own agency and take what she wants, like Ifemelu. Ifemelu has also had the experience of bearing witness to Aunty Uju’s marriage, which exposed her to what she did not want in a relationship regardless of whether it is normalized by those around her or not. She was able to understand her own desires outside the pressures of the status quo. On the other hand, Kosi’s goals are to please Obinze in order to maintain her family, rather than out of a love for Obinze himself and the relationship they share together. It is a dutiful act rather than a loving one. Obinze can tell, which is why he is unfaithful; it is not Kosi’s fault, but is a concequence of not having a feminist marriage where both parties are equally respected. Kosi does not respect herself, as seen in the text: “her insecurity, so great and so ordinary, silenced him. She was worried about a housegirl whom it would never even occur to him to seduce. Lagos could do this to a woman married to a young and wealthy man” (Adichie 42). She was so insecure that it made Obinze see infidelity as a valid option to take in the marriage because it was clear that Kosi was passive and never going to demand his full respect. Had Kosi given herself more agency, authority, and ability to express her own passions, Obinze would have felt desire and perhaps not betrayed her. Again, it is not Kosi’s responsibility to keep Obinze from cheating on her, but what is lacking in their relationship is what is abundant with Ifemelu, and that is having someone be an active participant. Kosi already has what she wants; she has reached her life’s goal with Obinze and just needs to maintain it all.

On the other hand, Ifemelu does not see marriage as the end goal, but rather something she may consider having because it could prove to be mutually beneficial for both her and Obinze. The article “‘The Grittiness of Being Human’ : Individualizing Sexual Expectations in Adichie's Novels” expands on this idea of subservience in marriage. In it, the author states that “Ifemelu clearly defines the woman's sexual role in this culture as one of submission. The women she describes define success as the happiness and wealth of the man that they sleep with, and this does not mesh with Ifemelu's sexual experience or her career goals” (Vaugn 4). Adichie is trying to convey that the best marriages are feminist marriages, where the man and woman are equal. In “We Should All be Feminists,” Adichie says, “The best feminist I know is my brother Kene, who is also a kind, good-looking and very masculine young man. My own definition of a feminist is a man or a woman who says, ‘Yes, there’s a problem with gender as it is today and we must fix it, we must do better.’ All of us, women and men, must do better” (Adichie 17). The point here being that a lack of feminism is not an exclusively female problem, on the contrary it is something that affects, and should include, men. In order for true equality to be reached, both women and men must actively work towards the ideal. Adichie comments on how some aspects of Nigerian culture can serve to objectify the woman in the relationship, as well as the man. The mentality of a woman being a prize to be won, one who will act as a servant and take care of the household duties and child rearing, is harmful to everyone involved. The man is reduced to a status based on wealth, family, and resources that the woman is able to possess by her association with him. Adichie writes, “many women in Lagos who define their lives by men they can never truly have, crippled by their culture of dependence, with desperation in their eyes and designer handbags on their wrists” (Adichie 521). This description further highlights the meaning men and the prospect of marriage have on women and the culture that comes about from being told that the only way to have value and stability is through a man. Ifemelu is unique in that she is independently successful and financially lucrative; she does not need Obinze but chooses him because she wants him.

Obinze in kind also finds happiness in a feminist relationship with Ifemelu. As the paper “Shifting intersections: Fluidity of gender and race in Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’s Americanah” elaborates, “After his early years with Ifemelu, who was willing to challenge him on gender issues, Obinze realizes that he enjoys being around women who are not bound by patriarchal gender roles. As Obinze recognizes the restrictive nature of these binary and hierarchical roles, he begins to long for a society and a partner who defies tradition by adopting both conventionally masculine and feminine traits” (Bonvillain 32). This choice creates a healthy relationship where they both have needs that are being fulfilled, but are not toxicly codependent. Unfortunately this has the negative consequence of marginalizing Kosi, who truly is a victim of the culture of marriage and subservience in which she was raised.

Ifemelu and Chianza’s relationships are drastically different from one another, with key similarities. They both are Nigerian, immigrant women who end up marrying, but Ifemelu ends up happy whereas Chianza has to stay in an unhappy marriage with the hope that one day she will be able to escape. The difference of endings may be due to their differing material circumstances: Chinaza is in a uniquely vulnerable situation, where Ifemelu is not. Chinaza lacks the resources to be independent in the way that Ifem is. For Chianza, marriage is not a choice, but a necessary tool for her survival in the United States. With respect to sexuality, Americanah is clearly a longer narrative, and thus it goes into more detail about the various sexual relationships characters have. Ifemelu has many intimate relationships that are explored deeply in the novel. Vaughn comments on how other female characters besides Ifemelu view sex with their husbands in Americanah by saying, “The women in this novel discuss the expectations for female partners in the actual sexual encounter, which promotes the expectation that woman are not meant to enjoy sex but to use it as a means of reproduction and of pleasing a husband” (Vaughn 18). The significance of the women prioritizing the man’s experience over their own shows the ingrained gendered role of subservience that goes to create an unequal partnership. Kosi’s priority is how to please Obinze rather than seeking pleasure herself out of the relationship. Their marriage is not mutually satisfying because she does not advocate for her own needs, having internalized the sense that they do not matter. This situation is similar to “The Arrangers of Marriage,” in which Chianza’s sexual dissatisfaction is so palpable in the early pages of the story that the reader feels she views sex with her husband as a burden.

In conclusion, Adichie uses the theme of marriage as a narrative device within her books to draw attention to the ways in which partnerships in marriage can be understood through the lens of feminism. Adichie writes through an intersectional feminsit lens, showing the experiences of Nigerian women immigrants being both Black and female in an environment that is set up for male success, where the only means of stability is to give in to the intense societal pressures urging them to settle down. She uses characters to show the dangers of marrying men who do not respect women, like Chianza, as well as characters who benefit from marrying men who respect them, such as Ifemelu. When considering the purpose behind the relationships Adichie crafts and what she is trying to convey to her audience, we can better understand the feminist claims she is making about the nature of marriage.

Works Cited

Adichie, Chimamanda Ngozi. Americanah. 4th Estate, 2021.

Adichie, Chimamanda Ngozi. Dear Ijeawele. Anchor Books, 2017

Adichie, Chimamanda Ngozi. The Thing Around Your Neck. Alfred A. Knopf, 2009.

Alegimenlen, J. Osamagiagiemwen. “Same Sex Marriage: Nigeria at the Middle of Western Politics.” Oromia Law Journal [Vol 3, No. 1].

Bonvillain, Mary. “Shifting intersections: Fluidity of gender and race in Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’s Americanah.” The English Language and Literature Commons. Iowa State University Digital Repository. 2016.

Maierhofer, Roberta: . “"We Should All Be Feminists": The Portrayal of Female Characters in the Novels of Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie” Masterarbeit zur Erlangung des akademischen Grades.

McCarthy, Justin. “Record-High 60% of Americans Support Same-Sex Marriage.” Gallup.com, Gallup, 7 May 2021, news.gallup.com/poll/183272/record-high-americans-support-sex-marriage.aspx.

Nagel, Joane. “Constructing Ethnicity: Creating and Recreating Ethnic Identity and Culture.” New Tribalisms, 1994, pp. 237–272., doi:10.1007/978-1-349-26403-2_11.

“Nigeria Poll Suggests 87% Oppose Gay Rights.” BBC News, BBC, 30 June 2015, www.bbc.com/news/world-africa-33325899.

Olorunfemi, Christy. An Examination of Women’s Voices in Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’s The Thing Around Your Neck. University of KwaZulu-Natal, South Africa.

Vaughn, Madison. “"'The Grittiness of Being Human' : Individualizing Sexual Expectations in Adichie's Novels" https://digitalcommons.usu.edu/cgi/v...context=honors.