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16.12: Less Successful Writing Sample

  • Page ID
    23011
  • BELOW LESS SUCCESSFUL ESSAY EXAMPLE #1

    1. All capital letters make the essay difficult to read, and online amounts to shouting.

    2. No paragraph development by topic, the writer just offers up one block of text.

    3. Numerous spelling errors, and many statements that needfootnotes.

    4. No bibliography, or list of sources.

    5. It is clear to the reader that the writer typed directly into the course document without any rewriting, or editing.

    THE CHARTRES CATHEDRAL LOCATED IN CHARTRES, FRANCE WAS ELEVATED BY 3 TIERS AS IT HAD NO GALLERY VAULTING WAS QUADRIPARTITE, WHICH REQUIRED THE NEED FOR ADDITIONAL SUUPORT.quotes/footnotes needed A CHANGE WAS INTRODUCED WITH 5 TOWERS ABADONED. THAT WERE PLANNED OVER THE TRANSEPTS. THE CHURCH OF NOTRE DAME OF PARIS WAS EARLY GOTHIC WHICH IN FRENCH IT WAS THE MOST FAMOUS IMAGE IN GOTHIC ART. needs footnote IT HAD A PATTERN WITH A RESTRICTED MOVEMENT IN DEPTH. ALL THE PORTALS, WINDOWS AND TRACERY GALLERY WERE PUT INTO SQUARE SHAPES. THIS WAS SUBDIVIDED INTO SOME HORIZONTAL AND VERTICAL PEICES. IT HAS A PATTERN WITH A ROSE WINDOW IN THE CENTER. ABBEY CHURCH LOCATED IN ITLAY HAD ELEMENTS OF A SHAVED STONE WALL TOPPED OFF WITH A WOODEN ROOF.footnote EXTRAORDINARY FRESCOES COVERED ALL THE OPEN SAPCE?? IN THE CHURCHES WALLS. oNE OF THE MOST APPEALING CHURCHES IN ITALY. THE PHILOSPPHERsp PSEUDO-DIONYSUIS IS THE AUTHOR OF 3 TRATISES.spA CHRISITIAN PHILOSOPHER FROM A NEOPLATONIEsp SIGHT. A SERIES OF FAMOUS WRITINGS WAS POPULARYsp IDENTIFIED WITH PSEUDO-DIONYSUIS. EVIDENCE CONCLUDES THAT HE BELONGS AT THE EARLIEST TO THE FIFTH CENTURY AND THAT HE WAS A NATIVE OF SYRIA. HIS THOUGHTS PHRASES AND EXPRESSIONS SHOW GREAT COMPARISONS TO THE WORKS OF NEO-PLATONISTS. footnote HE IS ALSO VERSED IN BOOKS LIKE THE OLD AND NEW TESTAMNET.sp

    Less successful essay #2

    Pseudo-Dionysius was a Christian Neoplatonist who was philosopher who wrote during the late fifth and sixth century. Pseudo-dionysius had immense impact in the Middle Ages and the Renaissance through his views on Trinity and Christ.It’s stated that Dionysius’ view of the visible created universe was to have a marked influence for two reasons,first because his vivid sense of the aesthetic and imaginative beauty of the sensible universe,second, because Dionysius also took account of ugliness,defect,resistance,and evil by his theory as privation and non-being, also it was stated that that Abbot of St. Denis drew on Dionysian light brought on by the stained glass windows.

    It is clear to the reader, that this essay was simply copied from a source. The writer makes no attempt to acknowledge their source, and this technically is plagiarism.

    Try to paraphrase or put into your own words material read in researching a particular topic.

    I could rewrite the above paragraph in the following manner:

    Pseudo-Dionysius was a philosopher who was influenced by Greek philosophers such as Plato.1 In his writings, he discussed beauty, aesthetics; and evil.

    Abbot Suger of St. Denis led the French architectural revolution, partly by his undersatanding of the writings of Dionysius.2

    Suger wanted to bring beauty in the form of colored light, into the interior of his cathedral.3 The architectural invention of the flying buttress, gave the cathedral builders this opportunity by opening up exterior walls to large areas of stained glass .4

    Gardners Art Through the Ages  3,4

    Witcombe.bcpw.sbc.edu/ARTHLinks.html  1,2

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