3.4: Model Essay 1
- Page ID
- 293702
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\(\newcommand{\avec}{\mathbf a}\) \(\newcommand{\bvec}{\mathbf b}\) \(\newcommand{\cvec}{\mathbf c}\) \(\newcommand{\dvec}{\mathbf d}\) \(\newcommand{\dtil}{\widetilde{\mathbf d}}\) \(\newcommand{\evec}{\mathbf e}\) \(\newcommand{\fvec}{\mathbf f}\) \(\newcommand{\nvec}{\mathbf n}\) \(\newcommand{\pvec}{\mathbf p}\) \(\newcommand{\qvec}{\mathbf q}\) \(\newcommand{\svec}{\mathbf s}\) \(\newcommand{\tvec}{\mathbf t}\) \(\newcommand{\uvec}{\mathbf u}\) \(\newcommand{\vvec}{\mathbf v}\) \(\newcommand{\wvec}{\mathbf w}\) \(\newcommand{\xvec}{\mathbf x}\) \(\newcommand{\yvec}{\mathbf y}\) \(\newcommand{\zvec}{\mathbf z}\) \(\newcommand{\rvec}{\mathbf r}\) \(\newcommand{\mvec}{\mathbf m}\) \(\newcommand{\zerovec}{\mathbf 0}\) \(\newcommand{\onevec}{\mathbf 1}\) \(\newcommand{\real}{\mathbb R}\) \(\newcommand{\twovec}[2]{\left[\begin{array}{r}#1 \\ #2 \end{array}\right]}\) \(\newcommand{\ctwovec}[2]{\left[\begin{array}{c}#1 \\ #2 \end{array}\right]}\) \(\newcommand{\threevec}[3]{\left[\begin{array}{r}#1 \\ #2 \\ #3 \end{array}\right]}\) \(\newcommand{\cthreevec}[3]{\left[\begin{array}{c}#1 \\ #2 \\ #3 \end{array}\right]}\) \(\newcommand{\fourvec}[4]{\left[\begin{array}{r}#1 \\ #2 \\ #3 \\ #4 \end{array}\right]}\) \(\newcommand{\cfourvec}[4]{\left[\begin{array}{c}#1 \\ #2 \\ #3 \\ #4 \end{array}\right]}\) \(\newcommand{\fivevec}[5]{\left[\begin{array}{r}#1 \\ #2 \\ #3 \\ #4 \\ #5 \\ \end{array}\right]}\) \(\newcommand{\cfivevec}[5]{\left[\begin{array}{c}#1 \\ #2 \\ #3 \\ #4 \\ #5 \\ \end{array}\right]}\) \(\newcommand{\mattwo}[4]{\left[\begin{array}{rr}#1 \amp #2 \\ #3 \amp #4 \\ \end{array}\right]}\) \(\newcommand{\laspan}[1]{\text{Span}\{#1\}}\) \(\newcommand{\bcal}{\cal B}\) \(\newcommand{\ccal}{\cal C}\) \(\newcommand{\scal}{\cal S}\) \(\newcommand{\wcal}{\cal W}\) \(\newcommand{\ecal}{\cal E}\) \(\newcommand{\coords}[2]{\left\{#1\right\}_{#2}}\) \(\newcommand{\gray}[1]{\color{gray}{#1}}\) \(\newcommand{\lgray}[1]{\color{lightgray}{#1}}\) \(\newcommand{\rank}{\operatorname{rank}}\) \(\newcommand{\row}{\text{Row}}\) \(\newcommand{\col}{\text{Col}}\) \(\renewcommand{\row}{\text{Row}}\) \(\newcommand{\nul}{\text{Nul}}\) \(\newcommand{\var}{\text{Var}}\) \(\newcommand{\corr}{\text{corr}}\) \(\newcommand{\len}[1]{\left|#1\right|}\) \(\newcommand{\bbar}{\overline{\bvec}}\) \(\newcommand{\bhat}{\widehat{\bvec}}\) \(\newcommand{\bperp}{\bvec^\perp}\) \(\newcommand{\xhat}{\widehat{\xvec}}\) \(\newcommand{\vhat}{\widehat{\vvec}}\) \(\newcommand{\uhat}{\widehat{\uvec}}\) \(\newcommand{\what}{\widehat{\wvec}}\) \(\newcommand{\Sighat}{\widehat{\Sigma}}\) \(\newcommand{\lt}{<}\) \(\newcommand{\gt}{>}\) \(\newcommand{\amp}{&}\) \(\definecolor{fillinmathshade}{gray}{0.9}\)Model Essay 1
Here is the first draft of the essay:
First Name Last Name
Professor Name
Course Name and Number
Day Month Year
Advancements in Kitchen Technology
(1) Every facet of modern life is affected by technological advancement. Technology can be both a curse and a gift. A person can spend too much time on Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat, or other social media. A shopper can go into debt internet shopping. A driverless car can malfunction. Technology has earned a somewhat negative reputation in recent years, but it certainly isn’t all bad. Advancements over time have changed our lives in many positive ways. Because of technology, we can live cleaner, freer lives in and out of our homes. A variety of technological advancements in the modern kitchen has revolutionized the lives and health of millions of people.
(2) One advancement that has enabled cooks and consumers to enjoy fruits, vegetables, and wholesome meals year-round is the freezer. Prior to modern methods of freezing and refrigeration, food choices were limited to what was seasonally and locally available, which itself was dependent on factors like the weather. The only fruits and vegetables available in winter were preserved goods and certain items like squash and potatoes that had a long shelf life. Even these limited items were dependent on the crop yield that season. Poor production meant less to eat in the winter. Today, however, freezing enables people to ship and enjoy any type of food they want from anywhere in the world. Thanks to the freezer, an individual in Maine can enjoy oranges from Florida; or a family can eat a meal that was prepared months ago and stored in the freezer. Freezing, however, isn’t the only technology that has forever improved cooking and eating.
(3) In addition to modern freezing methods, advancements in stove and cooktop technology have provided quick and safe ways to get hot meals to the table at any time. The efficient, clean, and compact electric and gas stoves allow cooks to heat food indoors without the mess and risks that older coal and wood stoves and even campfires once posed. With the help of electricity and efficient gas distribution, cooks can regulate cooking temperatures and times, close a door, and get on with their lives while they wait for their meal. There is no need to tend a fire or coals and deal with the constant mess and potential hazards of open flames. Modern stovetops and ovens allow anyone to cook without slaving in an overheated kitchen in front of a fire. In fact, modern stoves now allow us to socialize in our kitchens, since their heat is contained.
(4) Finally, the microwave has enhanced the benefits of refrigeration and modern stoves by allowing us to heat or reheat food or drinks in a fraction of the time that older heating methods required. If saving time is the ultimate goal for a modern cook, then the microwave is the ultimate tool. With a few button clicks, a microwave can heat frozen meals in minutes. It can boil liquids in seconds. And it requires no maintenance. Any work that an oven or a stovetop can do, the microwave can do faster.
(5) In conclusion, with the combination of refrigeration and stove and microwave technology, people can eat and drink whatever they want, whenever they want, with no concerns about a poor crop yield and no dependence on locally-produced foods. This technology has not only revolutionized the way people can cook and eat, but also how people live. Such technological advancements in the kitchen provide us with wholesome food and more free time than our ancestors could have dreamed. We are fortunate.
Questions about Model Essay 1:
- How did the writer use the topic and subtopics from the paragraph to outline an essay?
- Review the outline. What parts of the outline are complete, detailed sentences? What parts of it are just “ideas”?
- What does the writer include in the essay draft that is not included in the outline? There is more than one answer!
- How closely do the ideas sketched out in the outline match the complete essay? Did the writer’s ideas change slightly from the outline to the draft?
- What transitional word does the writer use to conclude the essay? Are there other words the writer could have used?
Attributions:
Content on this page was adapted from ESL Academic Writing(opens in new window), which was shared under a CC BY (opens in new window)license by Prince George's Community College.