1.4: Ancient Greek Models of Marriage and Family

What does it mean to be a family in the world of Ancient Greece? How did their concepts of marriage differ from modern 21st Century Western concepts? How do these constructs of domesticity form a foundation for mythology and the familial structures witnessed herein? Understanding the structure of mortal families provides context for the interactions and roles of the Olympian family in the chapters ahead.

Similar to many modern cultures, Classical Greeks practiced monogamy, inferring that children from a single wife at a time were considered a man’s legal heirs. The emphasis on “a man’s legal heirs” comes from the political and social rights that came with being a male citizen over eighteen. Conversely, a Greek proverb states, a woman will know two significant moments in life: her wedding and her death (Powell 35).

Young girls, known as korê (“maiden”) after Persephone, in this society were nursed on the virtues of humility, amenability, dutifulness, submission and restraint. Some evidence suggests that girls were instructed through oral stories that reinforced these values, but beyond this, their education was often limited to textile crafts, such as spinning and weaving, craftwork they learned in the gynaikeion, “women’s quarters,” an area in the upper floor or back of the house. Reading and writing were rarely taught, but social circles within the gynaikeion encouraged conversation and storytelling, likely to instill social expectations. While many myths suggest adventurous young women, such as Atalanta whose athletic prowess outpaces the young men who seek to woo her, these characters are quickly punished and subdued, turned into obedient wives who recede into the tapestry, relegated to bearing children, tending to their families, and the dead. As maternal mortality rates were quite high, those who survived childbirth would often attend to their peers and sisters upon their death (34).

Figure \(\PageIndex{1}\): Scene from a gynaikeion, women’s quarters. Attic red-figure lebes gamikos after the manner of the Ariadne Painter, ca. 430 BC. National Archaeological Museum in Athens, 1250.Marsyas. (CC BY-SA 2.5, via Wikimedia)

Marriage arrangements were decided by families and based upon advantageous political and economic goals, and often the teenage, virginal, or parthenos bride never saw her groom until her wedding day. Girls were often married at age fourteen to men who were usually twenty years their senior and whose sexual experience generally encompassed other women, men, boys and orgies. However, a young woman suspected of sexual experience prior to marriage, even in the case of rape, would likely be sold into slavery by her own father. Thus, girls were often rushed into marriage shortly after they entered puberty to avoid the possibility of sexual exploitation and embarrassment (36).

Financial arrangements included a dowry gifted by the bride’s family, which granted her parents a measure of social control over the marriage. In the event of a divorce, the dowry was returned. From this, we can extract that divorce was rare, and often unnecessary, given the likelihood of death in childbirth.

Weddings were held at night, with the groom traveling by cart to the bride’s home, where he took her by the wrist, a symbolic gesture, perhaps reflecting the abduction of Kore (Persephone) by Hades. From there, she was moved to her mother-in-law’s home, where she learned the skill of sophrosynê, “self-control,” or restraint. Following the wedding night and the bride’s initiation into marriage sexual rites, she transferred from a parthenos, or virgin, to a nymphê, or bride, and then to a gynê, “woman,” after she had born children and obtained dominion over the oikos, family (36-38).

For Classical Athenians, the family could mean a variety of things. According to author Janet Morgan, the typical Athenian family was very similar to what we in North America call a “nuclear family.” A “nuclear family” is considered a family with parents and children. Whereas the most common type of family in Athens consisted of the husband, wife, and children, it also included the possibility of enslaved workers, whose numbers depended on the wealth and status of the household. Although the most common type of family, this was not the only type of family household that we encounter in that era. Trials in the Athenian courts reveal that a variety of family arrangements were possible. In Lysias 3.6, for example, the speaker lives with his sister and his nieces. They are still a family but do not fit this “nuclear family” model that we have in our minds. An example of another type of family is in Demosthenes 57.40 where we are introduced to the idea of stepparents, remarriage, and half-siblings. Families even included adopted members, but whereas adopting newborns is common in North America today, these adoptees were young adults (often a nephew) who could keep the oikos reproducing and its wealth intact.

As diverse as the families could be in classical Athens, they each had a very similar family dynamic. Different members within the household were responsible for different duties and jobs both within and outside of the oikos. These duties were typically distributed based on gender and status. In Xenophon’s Oeconomicus 9.2-10, we see the husband and wife in a discussion of how their household would be run, both inside and out, with the assistance of enslaved workers. First, we have the husband or the eldest male within the household. This individual was considered the “manager” of the household and he would not typically partake in performing household duties himself, unless from a lower-class family. He would, instead, dictate to his wife, and enslaved workers what tasks within the household they were responsible for. He would also train his wife to fill his role as supervisor of enslaved workers within the house. In doing so, he expected his wife to act towards these workers the same way he would and to reward and punish them as appropriate. Next, the text details the wife’s role within the household. The wife typically performed household duties such as cooking, cleaning, and weaving, often working alongside the enslaved workers. As previously mentioned, she was also responsible for managing the enslaved people working inside the household while her husband was absent. In this text, she had important responsibilities, but was more of an assistant to her husband and was expected to defer to him on any issue. Her subservient role was even more pronounced when guests were present, as wives were not permitted to eat with the men on couches, like their Roman counterparts were allowed to do. In less wealthy families, such strict gender roles were not likely possible in the running of the household, but a wife’s obedience to her husband would have still been expected.

Next, we have the children. Children are not often talked about in written sources, and it is difficult to find material evidence of their presence within the household. While young children in North America often live a carefree life with a variety of toys, Athenian children did not. Athenian children often spent the majority of their time accompanying their parents, learning the duties that they would have to perform as adults, both at home and when they were married and had started their own families. According to Plato (Laws 1.643c) children were encouraged to develop skills for their future working lives by playing with miniature versions of these tools.

Figure \(\PageIndex{2}\): Child’s toy horse on wheels, from a tomb, c. 950-900 BCE. (CC BY 2.0, Wikimedia Commons)

In contrast to modern-day North America, children were not immediately considered a member of the family once they were born, regardless of their parents’ status. When a child was born, the head of the household was responsible for inspecting the child and validating the child as a member of the oikos. After this took place, on the fifth or seventh day after birth, the Amphidromia was held. The Amphidromia was a religious event where the family would make a sacrifice to the gods and the father would walk around holding the child up in the air to indicate his acceptance of the child into the household. Afterward, they would have a small feast where only the family or anyone who was present for the birth attended. On the tenth day after the birth, depending on the wealth of the family, they might also hold a dekate, which was more of a festive event where they held a feast, with entertainment for family and friends, in the celebration of the birth.

Children were also seen as a representation of their family’s thoughts, ideals, or beliefs. Athenians would often have their child’s personal name be representative of something important to the family. Mark Golden discusses how a common name for young boys was Hegesistratus or Hegesias for short. This was indicative of a militaristic family as it meant “army leader”. He goes on to explain how these speaking names allowed parents an opportunity to express opinions on political matters, as well as to mold their children’s sense of self. This would also indicate the values of the family and the broader community that they lived in.

Pets, including dogs, cats, and birds, were also important members of the oikos. In Classical Athenian art, we see two types of dogs depicted. One breed is considered “hounds”. These dogs would often accompany the men on hunting activities where they would help attack and take down the animals. The other breed was Maltese dogs. The Maltese were what we might consider lap dogs and household family pets. They were normally depicted accompanying and playing with young children and women. Archaeological evidence also reveals that families sometimes honored dogs with burials, suggesting a close bond between families and their pets as well as grief at their loss. Pets appear to have been as important a family member to Classical Athenians as they are to us in North America today.

The concept of family, what defines a family, and who was considered a family member was very diverse in Classical Athens. Although a family was more commonly classified as our modern-day “nuclear family”, there exist many examples in the sources showing that a family was also much more than that. Overall, though, the family dynamic and roles within the household were affected by gender and status, and these bonds inform our understanding of the Olympic Family as well.