3.3.2: Revising for Unification
- Page ID
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\(\newcommand{\avec}{\mathbf a}\) \(\newcommand{\bvec}{\mathbf b}\) \(\newcommand{\cvec}{\mathbf c}\) \(\newcommand{\dvec}{\mathbf d}\) \(\newcommand{\dtil}{\widetilde{\mathbf d}}\) \(\newcommand{\evec}{\mathbf e}\) \(\newcommand{\fvec}{\mathbf f}\) \(\newcommand{\nvec}{\mathbf n}\) \(\newcommand{\pvec}{\mathbf p}\) \(\newcommand{\qvec}{\mathbf q}\) \(\newcommand{\svec}{\mathbf s}\) \(\newcommand{\tvec}{\mathbf t}\) \(\newcommand{\uvec}{\mathbf u}\) \(\newcommand{\vvec}{\mathbf v}\) \(\newcommand{\wvec}{\mathbf w}\) \(\newcommand{\xvec}{\mathbf x}\) \(\newcommand{\yvec}{\mathbf y}\) \(\newcommand{\zvec}{\mathbf z}\) \(\newcommand{\rvec}{\mathbf r}\) \(\newcommand{\mvec}{\mathbf m}\) \(\newcommand{\zerovec}{\mathbf 0}\) \(\newcommand{\onevec}{\mathbf 1}\) \(\newcommand{\real}{\mathbb R}\) \(\newcommand{\twovec}[2]{\left[\begin{array}{r}#1 \\ #2 \end{array}\right]}\) \(\newcommand{\ctwovec}[2]{\left[\begin{array}{c}#1 \\ #2 \end{array}\right]}\) \(\newcommand{\threevec}[3]{\left[\begin{array}{r}#1 \\ #2 \\ #3 \end{array}\right]}\) \(\newcommand{\cthreevec}[3]{\left[\begin{array}{c}#1 \\ #2 \\ #3 \end{array}\right]}\) \(\newcommand{\fourvec}[4]{\left[\begin{array}{r}#1 \\ #2 \\ #3 \\ #4 \end{array}\right]}\) \(\newcommand{\cfourvec}[4]{\left[\begin{array}{c}#1 \\ #2 \\ #3 \\ #4 \end{array}\right]}\) \(\newcommand{\fivevec}[5]{\left[\begin{array}{r}#1 \\ #2 \\ #3 \\ #4 \\ #5 \\ \end{array}\right]}\) \(\newcommand{\cfivevec}[5]{\left[\begin{array}{c}#1 \\ #2 \\ #3 \\ #4 \\ #5 \\ \end{array}\right]}\) \(\newcommand{\mattwo}[4]{\left[\begin{array}{rr}#1 \amp #2 \\ #3 \amp #4 \\ \end{array}\right]}\) \(\newcommand{\laspan}[1]{\text{Span}\{#1\}}\) \(\newcommand{\bcal}{\cal B}\) \(\newcommand{\ccal}{\cal C}\) \(\newcommand{\scal}{\cal S}\) \(\newcommand{\wcal}{\cal W}\) \(\newcommand{\ecal}{\cal E}\) \(\newcommand{\coords}[2]{\left\{#1\right\}_{#2}}\) \(\newcommand{\gray}[1]{\color{gray}{#1}}\) \(\newcommand{\lgray}[1]{\color{lightgray}{#1}}\) \(\newcommand{\rank}{\operatorname{rank}}\) \(\newcommand{\row}{\text{Row}}\) \(\newcommand{\col}{\text{Col}}\) \(\renewcommand{\row}{\text{Row}}\) \(\newcommand{\nul}{\text{Nul}}\) \(\newcommand{\var}{\text{Var}}\) \(\newcommand{\corr}{\text{corr}}\) \(\newcommand{\len}[1]{\left|#1\right|}\) \(\newcommand{\bbar}{\overline{\bvec}}\) \(\newcommand{\bhat}{\widehat{\bvec}}\) \(\newcommand{\bperp}{\bvec^\perp}\) \(\newcommand{\xhat}{\widehat{\xvec}}\) \(\newcommand{\vhat}{\widehat{\vvec}}\) \(\newcommand{\uhat}{\widehat{\uvec}}\) \(\newcommand{\what}{\widehat{\wvec}}\) \(\newcommand{\Sighat}{\widehat{\Sigma}}\) \(\newcommand{\lt}{<}\) \(\newcommand{\gt}{>}\) \(\newcommand{\amp}{&}\) \(\definecolor{fillinmathshade}{gray}{0.9}\)Unification and Thesis Statements
An essay is unified if your thesis ties together all of the points in the body paragraphs, and if the points in the body paragraphs each work to reinforce the thesis. To check for unification, begin by identifying the thesis and topic sentences. If these are not obviously identifiable, you might consider reverse outlining your paper (outlining it after the paper is written) to help identify or develop these elements.
A good way of checking for unification is the "because" rule. You should be able to say your thesis and then the word "because" and then the topic sentence for each paragraph. If a paper is not unified, the thesis might need to be expanded or refined until it unifies the body paragraphs. See example 3.1 for an example of a thesis that does not unify the body.
If your thesis does not unify your paragraphs, you have two options: You can expand or cut your thesis until it fits the body paragraphs, or you can revise the body paragraphs in the outline to fit the thesis. Generally, the first of these is easier because the thesis is usually easier to alter than the entire body of the paper, but there are times where it is appropriate to revamp an outline or cut multiple body paragraphs to make an essay fit a teacher's assignment.
See this video from the Purdue OWL for more help writing and revising thesis statements.
Exercise 3.3.2a: Thesis Statement Discussion
This thesis below fails to unify the points in the paper in the topic sentence outline. Read through the thesis and outline as well as the expanded thesis to answer the questions.
Thesis: Newer horror films are more realistic but also gorier due to innovative special effects, but older horror films were more plot and character driven.
Topic Sentence Outline
Body paragraph 1: Older horror films relied more on character development and suspense and arguably had stronger plots and characters as a result.
Body Paragraph 2: Horror films since 1990 rely heavily on innovative special effects, leading to gorier plots and horrifically realistic scenes.
Body Paragraph 3: Both phases of horror films are fun to watch and are enjoyable in their own ways.
Use the outline above to answer the following questions:
- Which paragraph is not unified by the thesis?
- What point must the writer add to the thesis to make the paper unified?
Expanded thesis to unify points: Newer horror films are more realistic but also gorier due to innovative special effects, but older horror films were more plot and character driven; as a result, each generation of horror films is unique and enjoyable in their own way.
- What part of the thesis was added to unify the body paragraphs?
Exercise 3.3.2:b Revising Thesis Statements for Unification
Instructions: Each of the thesis statements below fail to unify the body paragraphs. Revise the thesis statement for each paper until it unifies the points in the body paragraphs.
Paper #1
Thesis: Scientists agree that global warming is a problem.
Topic Sentence Outline
Body paragraph 1: There is nearly global consensus amongst climate scientists that the earth's climate is warming, and this process is happening faster than some people may realize.
Body Paragraph 2: Global warming is already affecting coastlines globally through rising sea levels but also through intense storms and hurricanes.
Body Paragraph 3: Many municipalities are already having to respond to these issues to keep their cities functioning; if the world does not take larger steps, these issues will affect every human in the next few generations.
Paper #2
Thesis: Addiction is more than physical need.
Topic Sentence Outline
Body paragraph 1: Traditionally, addiction is associated with alcohol and drugs, and the idea of addiction is based around a biological need for a chemical.
Body Paragraph 2: However, behavioral addictions, such as addiction to gambling or videogames, are real addictions too.
Body Paragraph 3: Both physical addiction and behavioral addiction can be treated by mental health professionals, so individuals should seek treatment regardless of the addiction.
See this video from the Purdue OWL for more help writing and revising thesis statements.