7.5: Example Essay- Multiple Modes

Read through the example essay below to identify the examples of the different concepts in this chapter:

• The purpose, topic, and thesis statement
• The introduction, body paragraphs, topic sentences, and conclusion
• The rhetorical modes that the student uses to make her point

 

Consider noting other reactions and questions you have as a reader as well. What do you feel the author does well and where could she work to improve? 

Allison Shaw

Professor Dryden

EG 101

8 May 2021

Mirror, Mirror: Body Dysmorphia in Adolescence

          Between my freshman and junior years of high school, I lost over 50 pounds. In what felt like an instant, I experienced a seismic shift in social

status: walking the halls in my new body, I had transformed from an object of ridicule to an object of desire. Despite my newfound popularity, however, I

found myself plagued by the same old fears and anxieties: Did my face look too round? Could my classmates tell that I was sucking in my stomach? Was I

still the heaviest person in the room? No matter how much my body changed, there was always some minor, imagined flaw to zero in on. I was convinced

that my peers could see these flaws, too, even when they assured me they had no idea what I was talking about. Eventually, I found it hard to focus on

anything else—school, friends, and family were all a distraction from what mattered most: my imperfections. My self-esteem was a delicate house of cards,

and things that seemed simple to my peers—trying on a new outfit, passing a mirror, seeing a candid photo posted online by a friend—could send it crashing

down in an instant. It wasn’t until the summer before senior year that I realized how severe my anxiety around my body was. By then, I had been suffering

for years from what psychiatric professionals refer to as Body Dysmorphic Disorder.

          John Hopkins Medicine defines Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD) as a “mental health problem” that manifests in an extreme fixation on one’s bodily

appearance that “gets in the way of [one’s] ability to live normally” and leads to harmful behaviors like excessive grooming, body checking, and social

avoidance (“Body Dysmorphic Disorder''). People of all ages, races, socionomic backgrounds, and sexes can fall prey to BDD, and if left untreated, it can

wreak long-term havoc, resulting in a range of problems including disordered eating, depression, and even self-harm and suicidal ideation. For adolescents in

particular, though, the effects of BDD can be exacerbated by peer pressure, social media exposure, and lack of representation in the media.

          While BDD is fairly common—researchers estimate that about 1 in 100 people suffer from the disorder—many young people may struggle to identify

that they have a severe body image problem because of peer interactions that make dissatisfaction with one’s body seem natural and universal (“Body

Dysmorphic Disorder”). An enduring example of this kind of peer pressure is on display in a scene from the 2004 film Mean Girls in which protagonist Cady

Heron watches in confusion as the seemingly perfect members of The Plastics deconstruct their bodies’ invisible “flaws” in front of a mirror. As the other girls

engage in their regular ritual— critiquing their bodies from every angle possible—Cady, formerly homeschooled in Africa, stands apart as an outsider

unfamiliar with the norms of American society.1 The scene is clearly played for laughs, and viewers are meant to understand the girls’ behavior as

nonsensical, but it provides a window into the kind of thought loops that can gradually evolve into full-on dysmorphia in real-life. In a 2019 article entitled

“Understanding and Treating Body Dysmorphic Disorder,”researchers Aoife Rajyaluxmi Singh and David Veale report that individuals diagnosed with BDD

spend an average of 3-8 hours fixated on their imperfections, while those with the most severe cases may regularly exceed that number (S131). Another key

component of BDD is that the individual spends this time obsessing over minor (and even non-existent) imperfections, much as the characters in Mean Girls

do when they complain about their pores and nailbeds seemingly without reason. What may seem small or silly at the outset— picking at small flaws for a

few moments at a time in front of a mirror—can turn serious and even dangerous over time. One factor proven to exacerbate these tendencies among

teenagers is increased social media exposure.

          While the average teenager may not spend 8 hours each day explicitly critiquing their body, they do spend an average of 8 hours each day online,

according to a 2022 study conducted by Common Sense Media (Moyer). Some of this time is spent on homework or traditional entertainment, but much of it

is spent on social media sites like TikTok and Snapchat that revolve around users sharing and editing their image. Many researchers now worry that this

prolonged engagement with social media may contribute to dysmorphic tendencies. In 2018, researchers at Boston Medical Center coined the term

“Snapchat dysmorphia” in response to reports from plastic surgeons that over half of patients indicate that they are seeking surgery to “improve their

appearance in selfies” and more closely match their filtered appearance (“A New Reality…”). While the majority of these patients are adults, teens also seek

out cosmetic surgery, with the most popular procedures being those that reshape the nose and eyelids, according to a 2020 report released by the American

Society of Plastic Surgeons (6). The popularity of these procedures aligns with the rise of what Jia Tolentino has called “The Instagram Face,” which she

describes as having, among other features, “catlike eyes” and “a small, neat nose” (“The Age of the Instagram Face”). Like many other kinds of businesses,

social media companies profit by convincing consumers that they have flaws—and then offering a fix for those flaws. As consumers who may not yet possess

critical media literacy, teenagers are especially vulnerable, as they may see filters and retouching options as proof of their imperfection rather than the

marketing strategies they are. As a result, young people with an active social media presence may have trouble recognizing their own body image struggles

as a real problem, especially one that rises to the level of a clinical disorder.

          Even if an individual realizes that their fixation on appearance is uniquely disruptive to their life, they may struggle to recognize Although BDD is

common, it is not often represented in popular culture, at least not explicitly in the way that other body image disorders are. Eating disorders like anorexia,

bulimia, and orthorexia, for example, have been depicted on screen in popular films like Girl, Interrupted and To the Bone, while depictions of BDD have

largely been restricted to documentaries. This lack of representation can lead to significant problems: if people suffering from BDD only associate body

image issues with eating disorders, they may believe that their problems stem strictly from their relationship to food, and this may lead them to have a

harder time addressing their deeper relationship with body image to heal in a holistic, sustainable way. If popular shows and films were to address BDD

head-on, young undiagnosed viewers might understand their situation better and have clearer language to seek help.

          More diverse representation of BDD in pop culture could also encourage young people from marginalized communities to seek help. The majority of

depictions of body image disorders onscreen focus on white characters, which may lead minority viewers to feel isolated in their own struggle. As Singh and

Vaile note, though, there is no one presentation of dysmorphia; instead, “it is likely that manifestations of BDD may be influenced by cultural ideals around

beauty” (S134). A teen struggling with body dysmorphia, then, will likely benefit more from working with a care provider who can approach these anxieties

in a nuanced way that addresses any specific cultural dimensions. Singh and Vaile gesture toward this point as well, acknowledging the importance of

treatments that consider “cross-cultural differences in presentation” (S134). Because body dysmorphia is a problem that cuts across many different

backgrounds, we need many different representations to fully understand and address it.

          Body Dysmorphic Disorder can bring life to a standstill. For teenagers on the precipice of adulthood, obsession with imperfections, real or imagined,

can mean the loss of educational and career opportunities, relationships, and even sanity. Along with therapeutic support, an awareness of how factors like

peer pressure, social media exposure, and representation contribute to BDD can help young people to overcome disruptive thought patterns and behaviors

to reach a neutral or even positive sense of self. The journey to overcoming such a devastating condition is a long and difficult one, but in my experience,

coming to terms with BDD has empowered me to see myself not as an object to be picked apart or fixed, but as a subject with an active role to play in my

own life. Once I had the tools to unpack the roots of my negative body image, I was able to transfer the energy I once devoted to my appearance to more

meaningful considerations. How did I want to contribute to the world around me? What problems did I want to help solve? In what ways could I be of

service to something bigger than myself? There are no perfect answers to these questions, but that’s alright—-for a mind free from dysmorphia, a little

imperfection isn’t the end of the world.

Works Cited

American Society of Plastic Surgeons. “2020 Plastic Surgery Statistics Report.” https://www.plasticsurgery.org/docum...s/2020/plastic surgery-statistics-

          fullreport-2020.pdf Accessed 22 April 2021.

“Body Dysmorphic Disorder.” John Hopkins Medicine.

          https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/heal...ntal%20health 20disorder.,to%20correct%20the%20perceived%20flaw. Accessed 22 April 2021.

Boston Medical Center. “A New Reality for Beauty Standards: How Selfies and Filters Affect Body Image.” JAMA Facial Plastic Surgery. 2 August 2018.

          https://www.eurekalert.org/newsreleases/784563 Accessed 21 April 2021.

Moyer, Melinda Wenner. “Kids Are Using Social Media More Than Ever, Study Finds.” The New York Times. 24 April

          2021.  https://www.nytimes.com/2022/03/24/w...-mediause.html Accessed 21 April 2021.

Singh, Aoife Rajyaluxmi, and David Veale. “Understanding and Treating Body Dysmorphic Disorder.” Indian Journal of Psychiatry vol. 61,Suppl 1 (2019):

          S131-S135. doi:10.4103/psychiatry.IndianJPsychiatry_528_18

Tolentino, Jia. “The Age of the Instagram Face.” The New Yorker. 12 December 2019. https://www.newyorker.com/culture/de...instagram-face Accessed 21

          April 2021.

Exercise 1.5: Analyzing the Example Essay

1. Where is the student's thesis? Is it easily identifiable, and if not, how could it be improved?

 

2. Are the student's examples in each paragraph effective and relevant to the main idea? If so, what makes them effective; if not, what makes them ineffective?

 

3. Where do you see the student incorporating the different modes? How well (or poorly) are the modes synthesized throughout the paper?

 

4. Look at the outlining the student did for the paper on page 47. Did this prewriting set the student up for success on the paper? If not, how could they tweak their pre-writing process to do a better job on the next paper?