10.1: Reading Exercise – Validation

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Validation

By James Thibeault

Jessica looked into the kitchen and saw the burnt toast, the unwashed dishes, the spilt jar of strawberry jam, the empty dog dish, the sad dog staring up at Jessica because of the empty dog dish, and the five-year-old at the kitchen table who refused to finish their cereal. She wanted to scream, but good mothers don’t scream. Instead, they hold it all together and clean up the messes. Jessica bit her lip and tried to break down the tasks in a clear and functional way. If she could manage an office, she could manage her own kitchen.   

First, breathe. Instead of yelling like she used to, she closed her eyes, breathed in deep through her nose, and trapped the air in her lungs. Once she controlled the air, she could control the moment. However, when she inhaled, all she smelled was strawberries and smoke. She quickly exhaled with a mixture of groans. When she opened her eyes, she saw a few more problems. Jorge had left his phone on the counter, and the TV was still on—blasting an ad for a new miracle drug. She felt the urge to burst but decided to breathe one more time. She inhaled.  

“Woof” went Jasper. It was a simple request, translating to “Hey, I’m hungry.” When Jessica did not reply, Jasper tried again. “Woof,” he went, a bit harder of the F sound. This change in tone implied “You’re killing me, Jessica, I’m a growing boy.” Gritting her teeth, she tried one last time to breathe. She hastily sucked in air and held it captive. One … two … three … before she had a chance to count to four, Jasper barked.

“Alright!” she whisper-yelled to Jasper. Part snarl, part smile, Jessica shouted to the dog without opening her mouth. She marched over to the cabinet and lugged out the giant bag of kibble. With a heavy grunt, she lifted the bag and titled it over so Jasper could have his breakfast. When she put the bag away, Jasper still wouldn’t eat. “I’m busy, Jasper,” she said and went back to assessing how to tackle the kitchen. Still, Jasper stared her down. Feeling Jasper’s pathetic eyes bore into her soul, she begrudgingly bent down and scratched his ears. “You are a good boy,” she said with little enthusiasm. Finally receiving what he wanted, Jasper began to eat.

A phone rang. Instinctively, Jessica patted her pockets. It wasn’t hers, so whose was it? Was it the TV? Annoyed, she ran across the kitchen to turn it off—tripping over one of Mason’s building blocks. She almost swore, but immediately corrected to “Sheesh.” Jessica looked down and saw a destroyed village on the kitchen tile. She bent down to pick up some of the blocks when the phone rang again.

“Phone, Mommy.” Mason tapped his spoon to the bowl.

“Thanks, baby,” she said, exhaustedly. “Can you please pick up your blocks?”

“But Daddy knocked them over.”

“I know, but—”

“He said you burnt his toast.”

“What?” she said a bit too loud.

“He didn’t pick them up because he had to get new toast.”

“Oh. Really?” Jessica grabbed her husband’s phone, and briefly walked just outside of the kitchen. When her mouth was hidden from Mason, she answered the phone.

“Good morning, husband. Forget your phone?”

“Yeah, I was in a rush today. Can you drop it off later after daycare?”  

“Sure, right after I burn a few more things in this kitchen.”

“What are you talking about?”

“You told Mason I burnt the toast?”

“You’re the one who pushed it down.”

“I didn’t set the setting to five,” she resumed her whisper yelling. “You put it back to five when I told you three is the best number.”

“But three makes it too soft.”

“So use four!” Jessica shouted but sucked in the noise immediately. Mason peered up from his cereal, and Jessica happily waved to her son. She went back to her conversation. “I have to go. I’ll drop it off when I can.”

“Okay. Thank you.”

“Bye.”

“Wait.”

“What?”

“You forgot to say it.”

Jessica groaned, “I love you.”

“I love you …” He dangled the last word, waiting for something else to be said.

“Please don’t, it’s been a rough morning.”

“I love you …”

“Ugh. I love you too, snuggle bear.”

“I love you, too. Have a great day.”

Jessica hung up and put the phone in her pocket. She leaned against the door frame and tried to breathe. Mason was still tapping on his spoon, so trying to meditate away the stress was out of the question. Annoyed, Jessica sucked in a huge gust of air and ventured back into the kitchen. All that remained was the jam mess and the unwashed dishes. Jessica’s body went toward the jam, but her head stared at the messy dishes. Then, her head and body positions reversed. Her hands mimicked handwashing while her head swiveled to see the jam. She oscillated back and forth—unsure what to do. Her breath accelerated, and she felt her chest tighten. Jam or dish, jam or dish. It wasn’t a hard decision, she thought, but she remained dawdling in indecision. Jessica put her hands down, then clamped them into her chest.

There is too much, this is always too much.

One thing fixed and another thing broken.

Always going, always moving. Never stopping.

Jam or dish. Jam or dish.

Stop or go. Stop or die.

Need to hold it in.

Breathe. Just breathe.

Please breathe.

Her thoughts were shattered when a tiny hand pulled at Jessica.

“You okay, Mommy?”

“Yeah, sweetie,” she forced a smile. “I’m fine.”

“Do you want me to watch me finish my cereal? I’m just need to slurp the milk.”

“Okay, baby. Just give me a minute.”

Jessica braced her hands on the counter. Finally, she breathed in deep and controlled her breath. Swiftly, she cleaned up the mess with the jam and decided to do the dishes after she dropped Mason and the phone off. Exhausted, she collapsed onto one of the kitchen chairs.

“Mommy, look!” Mason was smiling with an empty bowl.

“Great job, Mason.” She feigned excitement. Mason smiled back.

She closed her eyes and rested her head on the table. After a moment, she felt a soft tap on her head.

“You’re a good Mommy,” said Mason.

Jessica smiled sincerely, and she did not fight back the tears that came down her face.

Comprehension Questions for Validation  

Question on Developing a Theme for Validation