8.1: Reading Exercise – Empty
- Page ID
- 277443
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Image adapted from DevilsApricot from Pixabay
Empty
By James Thibeault
Mateo paced back and forth outside of the empty classroom before taking a deep breath and entering. Lelia sat on windowsill, looking out at the deserted parking lot. She heard him enter, but she kept her attention on the asphalt below. School had long since ended, and only the cleaning staff were walking the halls.
“I have your cat,” said Mateo, gently patting his bag.
“I don’t care,” Lelia replied, not bothering to look back.
“You need it right now.”
“What I need is for you to turn around and go home.”
“Well,” said Mateo defeated, “I’ll just leave him with you.” Mateo gingerly stepped closer to Lelia. She continued to ignore him. Out from his bag, Mateo pulled out a stuffed animal. He placed the gray furball a few inches from her hand. She did not pick it up. Mateo turned around to leave, but just as he reached the threshold, he turned around and said, “At least try talking to him?”
Lelia turned to face Mateo, her makeup smeared from crying.
“You want me to talk to a stuffed cat?”
“It helped … when … ”
Lelia choked the cat with her hand and dangled it in front of Mateo.
“Am I still five to you? Are you going to bring my dolls too? Are we going to have them fill up all of these seats, have a little group session?”
“Please, Lelia, I didn’t –”
“No, you’re right. Let me talk to a stuffed animal all about my feelings. That’s what you think of me.” She slammed the cat on the teacher’s desk, then briskly walked to the back of the classroom. Politely, she raised her hand. “Excuse me, Miss Calico, I have a bit of a hairball you see. Mateo here thinks that talking to you is the best way to avoid being suspended.”
“Grow up.”
“I’m sorry, was it your idea for me to talk to my imaginary cat friend?”
“I just thought it would help. I’m not your enemy here.”
“If you want to help, then tell Principal Hayes that Jessica is lying.”
Mateo rubbed his face to sooth his head from strain. “I can’t cover for you again.” A flash of anger glinted in his eyes. “Really? Out of all the ways …” Mateo paused to collect himself. “Out of all the ways you could have screwed up, you brought Jessica back into this? Just let that freshman be.”
“She asked for it. No. Strike that. She forgot how gravity worked, and that’s why her laptop is broken. Just tell Principal Hayes that. Miss Calico will back you up, she heard it all.”
“Is this what you want? For me to bail you out? Because it looks like you just want to keep torpedoing any chance of a future.”
Lelia stood up and gave a commanding round of applause. “Great job, Mateo. You’ve finally done it. You now sound like Dad.”
“I’ve made my mistakes since—”
“Don’t. I don’t want to hear it from the perfect student who will go to the perfect school and marry a perfect wife and have stupid perfect kids with perfect teeth because you’ll feed them the perfect portions of fruit and vegetables.” She walked up to him and poked him in the chest. “Go on, tell me how I am wasting my life away. Tell me how you would do it better, golden child.”
“Please, stop calling me that.”
“Oh no, this is my gift. This is what I excel at. I’m good at pissing people off.”
“Lelia, you don’t have to prove—”
“Little golden boy gets to do whatever he wants.” She walked back to the window and pointed to the empty parking lot. “You see that out there? I bet you see that empty, scalding hot asphalt as opportunity. There’s nothing there, so you can fill it with whatever you want. Buy the lot, charge for premium parking, and make a fortune. I see a flat wasteland where things go to die. Life being cooked by the harsh and indifferent world—like eggs in the sun. I’m not like you, I’m not like Dad, I can’t just flourish off of pain and suffering. I miss her.” Lelia looked back out the window. “I used to wait in this classroom, wait for her to pick me up. I keep hoping that I’m wrong.”
“She’s gone. It’s been a year. At some point you have to move on.”
“Some nerve. You treat her like she’s some expired cans in the fridge. She was our mom, Mateo. How can you be so cold? How can you just stand there, hand me a stuffed cat, and think that my feelings for her will just evaporate? Fine. I’ll be more like you. I’ll be as soulless as Miss Calico. You, me, and Dad can just sit in silence at the dinner table—devoid of any sensation.”
Mateo clenched his fists and chose his words carefully. “You need to watch what you say.”
“I wonder if she cursed both of us. I feel her warmth every day, but I’m cursed with these feelings of hate. Meanwhile, you excel at everything in exchange for barely remembering her at all.”
“Lelia. Stop.”
“The Golden Boy has to—”
“I SAID STOP IT!”
Mateo picked up a chair and threw it to the other side of the room. As it hit the wall, papers and pictures fell to the ground. He advanced upon Lelia, who retreated to the windows. There was nowhere for her to go. Now, she was silent.
“This is what you think of me? I have to keep it in, you get it? You think months of hospital visits are wiped from my head? Hours moderating pills and cleaning up messes? That’s burnt into my body, a permanent scar. Trust me, I would love to forget, but I have to keep it in for you and Dad.”
Tears formed in Mateo’s eyes, but he aggressively blinked them away. His eyes were bloodshot and weary.
“Mateo, I didn’t—”
“Who do you think keeps Dad from living out his dark thoughts? Who do you think shines a light on him? I pushed him to hold it in. Be a man. Someone has to hold this family together.”
Lelia put a hand on her brother’s arm, but he pulled it away. She struggled to speak.
“I thought. That. Look. I didn’t know. Okay? Thought you were … “
“That I was what?”
“A jerk.”
Mateo tried to breathe, to slow down his breath, but the tears continued. He gritted his teeth, then turned around. As he made his way to the exit, Lelia followed. When he reached the door, Lelia grabbed him by the shoulder.
“I’m here. You don’t have to hold anything.”
Mateo turned around. “I miss her. Everyday.”
He began to sob. Lelia wrapped her arms around him. She felt the hot tears melt into her shirt.
“Me too.”
They stood, suspended in time, holding one another until a honk shook them out of a trance. They looked out the window. Their father, annoyed, waved toward the window, beckoning them to come down.
“Ugh, he looks mad,” said Lelia.
“You did get suspended.”
“Oh yeah, sort of forgot.”
“Come on, let’s not keep him waiting.”
Mateo wiped away his tears, took a couple of deep breaths, and tried his best to regain his cool. Not looking behind, he again made his way to the door. However, he paused when Lelia called out, “Mateo?”
He turned. “Yeah?” He saw Lelia holding the stuffed cat to her chest.
“Thanks for bringing Miss Calico.”
“Anytime.”
They walked out of the school together and toward their impatient father in the parking lot.