21.10: Clear and Effective Sentences

This section will help you write strong sentences that convey your meaning clearly and concisely. See Editing Focus: Sentence Structure for a related discussion and practice on effective sentences.

Emphasis

The most emphatic place in a sentence is the end. To achieve the strongest emphasis, end with the idea you want readers to remember. Place introductory, less important, or contextual information earlier in the sentence. Consider the differences in these two sentences.

Less Emphatic Angel needs to start now if he wants to have an impact on his sister’s life.

More Emphatic If Angel wants to have an impact on his sister’s life, he needs to start now

Concrete Nouns

General nouns name broad classes or categories of things (man, dog, city); concrete nouns refer to particular things (Michael, collie, Chicago). Concrete nouns provide a more vivid and lively reading experience because they create stronger images that activate readers’ senses. The examples below show how concrete nouns, combined with specific details, can make writing more engaging.

All General Nouns Approaching the library, I see people and dogs milling about outside, but no subjects to write about. I’m tired from my walk and go inside.

Revised with Concrete Nouns Approaching Brandon Library, I see skateboarders and bikers weaving through students who talk in clusters on the library steps. A friendly collie waits for its owner to return. Subjects to write about? Nothing strikes me as especially interesting. Besides, my heart is still pounding from the walk up the hill. I wipe my sweaty forehead and go inside.

Active Voice

Active voice refers to the way a writer uses verbs in a sentence. Verbs have two “voices”: active and passive. In the active voice, the subject of the sentence acts—the subject performs the action of the verb. In the passive voice, the subject receives the action, and the object actually becomes the subject. Although some passive sentences are necessary and clear, a paper full of passive-voice constructions lacks vitality and becomes wordy.

Active-voice verbs make something happen. By using active verbs wherever possible, you will create stronger, clearer, and more concise sentences.

Passive Voice On the post-training survey, the anti-harassment tutorial was rated highly informative by employees.

Revised in Active Voice On the post-training survey, employees rated the anti-harassment tutorial highly informative.

Conciseness

Concise writing considers the importance of every word. Editing sentences for emphasis, concrete nouns, and active voice will help you write clearly and precisely, as will the following strategies. To be concise, eliminate wasted words and filler—not ideas, information, description, or details that will interest readers or help them follow your thoughts. (For more on conciseness, see Editing Focus: Sentence Structure.)

Use Action Verbs

Using action verbs is one of the most direct ways to cut unneeded words. Whenever you find a phrase like the ones below, consider substituting an action verb.

Table \(21.2\)

Instead of the phrase . . .	Use an action verb
reach a decision, come to a decision	decide
made a choice	chose
hold a meeting	meet
arrive at a conclusion	conclude
have a discussion	discuss

Cut Unnecessary Words and Phrases

Eliminate words and phrases that do not add meaning. Consider the following sentences, which say essentially the same thing.

Wordy In almost every situation that I can think of, with few exceptions, it will make good sense for you to look for as many places as possible to cut out needless, redundant, and repetitive words and phrases from the papers, reports, paragraphs, and sentences you write for college assignments. (49 words)

Concise Whenever possible, cut needless words and phrases from your college writing. (11 words)

The wordy sentence is full of early-draft language in three chunks. The first chunk comes at the beginning of the sentence. Notice how In almost every situation that I can think of, with few exceptions, it will make good sense for you to look for as many places as possible is reduced to Whenever possible in the concise sentence.

The second chunk of the wordy sentence is needless, redundant, and repetitive. The concise version reduces those four words to needless because the words have the same meaning. The third chunk of the wordy sentence comes at the end. Notice how papers, reports, paragraphs, and sentences you write for college assignments is reduced to your college writing. The meaning, although expanded to all writing, remains the same.

The following phrases are common fillers that add nothing to meaning. They should be avoided.

• a person by the name of
• for all intents and purposes
• in a manner of speaking
• more or less

Some common filler phrases have single-word alternatives, which are preferable.

Table \(21.3\)

Replace a common filler phrase . . .	With a single word
at all times	always
at the present time	now
at this point in time	now
for the purpose of	for
due to the fact that	because
the reason being	because
in the final analysis	finally
last but not least	finally

Avoid there is/there are and it is

Starting a sentence with there is, there are, or it is can be useful to draw attention to a change in direction. However, starting a sentence with one of these phrases often forces you into a wordy construction. Wordiness means the presence of verbal filler; it does not mean the number of words, the amount of description, or the length of a composition. (For more on these constructions, see Editing Focus: Sentence Structure.)

Wordy There is often uncertainty about whether or not employees are required to turn on their cameras during online meetings, and there are some employees who don’t. However, it is the expectation of employers that cameras be turned on.

Concise Employees are often uncertain whether they must turn on their cameras during online meetings, and some don’t. However, employers expect cameras to be turned on.

Parallelism

Within a sentence, parallelism—the repetition of a word or grammatical construction— creates symmetry and balance, makes an idea easier to remember, and sounds pleasing to the ear. In the first example below, the parallelism is established by the repetition of the phrase beginning with who. In the second example, the parallelism is created by the underlined nouns.

Unparallel After 25 years, the battle over the reintroduction of wolves continues between environmental activists, who support it, and hunters and people who own cattle ranches and are opposed.

Parallel After 25 years, the battle over the reintroduction of wolves continues between environmental activists, who support it, and cattle ranchers and hunters, who oppose it.

Unparallel Exercises that improve core strength include crunches, leg lifts, and when you do push-ups and planks.

Parallel Exercises that improve core strength include crunches, leg lifts, push-ups, and planks.

Variety

Varying the length and structure of sentences makes your writing more interesting to read.

Simple Sentences

A simple sentence has one idea expressed in a single main clause (also known as an independent clause). A main clause contains a subject and a predicate and can stand alone as a sentence. A simple sentence can be short or long, as shown in the examples below. The phrases in the long sentence add information, but the sentence remains a simple sentence nonetheless because it has only one clause.

The coronavirus spread around in the world in 2020.

School-age children and college students were pushed into virtual learning environments in March 2020, with schools closing for unspecified lengths of time.

Compound Sentences

A compound sentence contains two or more main clauses that are equally important to the meaning of the sentence. (A main clause contains a subject and a predicate and can stand alone as a sentence.) You can create compound sentences in the following ways:

• Compound Sentence Using a Coordinating Conjunction

Create a compound sentence by using a coordinating conjunction—for, and, nor, but, or, yet, or so (fanboys)—to join main clauses. To remember the coordinating conjunctions, use the mnemonic device fanboys.

Restaurants and small retailers experienced steep drops in revenue during the pandemic, and many were forced to close.

Restaurants and small retailers experienced steep drops in revenue during the pandemic, yet many survived the downturn.

• Compound Sentence Using a Semicolon

A semicolon can join two main clauses that are closely related in meaning. When using a semicolon, you must have a complete sentence before and after it.

Restaurants and small retailers experienced steep drops in revenue during the pandemic; many were forced to close.

• Compound Sentence Using a Semicolon and Transitional Word or Phrase

A transitional words or phrases such as however, in fact, meanwhile, therefore, consequently, as a result, instead, or furthermore indicates the relation of two or more equally important ideas in the main clauses.

Restaurants and small retailers experienced steep drops in revenue during the pandemic; however, many survived the downturn.

Complex Sentences

A complex sentence contains one main clause (a clause that contains a subject and a predicate and can stand alone as a sentence) and one or more subordinate clauses (also known as dependent clauses). Subordinate clauses begin with a subordinating word or phrase such as although, because, even if, when, whenever, since, as though, whether, as long as, until, or while. The main clause expresses the main idea of the sentence, and the subordinate clause expresses the less important idea. Like a main clause, a subordinate clause has a subject and verb; however, unlike a main clause, it cannot stand alone as a sentence. A subordinate clause punctuated as a sentence is a type of sentence fragment. The subordinate clauses in the following sentences are underlined.

Although the federal government provided financial assistance, the money came too late for many businesses. When schools and universities shut down in March of 2020, students had to learn at home, a situation that proved challenging for many households.

Compound-Complex Sentences

A compound-complex sentence contains two or more main clauses (clauses that contain subjects and predicates and can stand alone as sentences) and one or more subordinate clauses (clauses that begin with a subordinating word such as although, because, even if, when, whenever, since, as though, whether, as long as, until, and while). A compound-complex sentence is an effective structure to use when you want to express three or more ideas in a single sentence. The example sentence has two main clauses (double underline) and three subordinate clauses (single underline).

When school districts reopened, parents had to decide whether they wanted their children to attend classes in person, and they had to be ready for classes to move online if there were outbreaks of the coronavirus in their community.